04/27 in 2020 Vision

Some days I don’t mind working from home, but on other days (like today) I feel completely demotivated like “I just need another human being to interact with!” I’m just drained.

I think The Young Buck will be home either this week or next week, so that should definitely help. I’m leaning towards it being next week, but I’m skipping my upcoming week of white/placebo birth control pills and just doing back to back months with no periods in between because my luck is that I’d get my period the day he got back. Since I can safely do 3 months back to back without a period and don’t exactly feel like dealing with it if he DOES come back during it, I’m just gonna go straight to the next month.

This weekend was alright. Saturday I ended up getting in a ton of exercise. First I took my dog for a walk and then I went for a 2 hour run. Even after the run, I still had a lot of energy the rest of the day. But then Saturday night, I could barely sleep. My mind was hyper aware to everything and would just not shut down. Sunday (yesterday) I was just a zombie all day. I even took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day. I had no energy. I tried to attempt to order Chicken Pad Thai takeout in the afternoon but the first place I tried calling gave me a “we are currently closed due to coronavirus concerns” voicemail and I lost all motivation/energy to try calling other places after that.

I spent much of yesterday feeling like shit. I’m not sure if it was because of the run or the lack of sleep Saturday night (or the combination of both), but yesterday was not my finest day. It started alright. I did get in a walk with my dog before the nap. But it was after that dog walk where I just crashed on all levels. I didn’t even feel like emailing The Young Buck last night, but I did anyway.

He’s still very set on getting out of the Navy and is convinced that everything will be open again by August, even though I’ve mentioned that when the Stay at Home order does lift, things will be opening in stages. Its unfortunate that he’s been under water during the duration of this and could quite possibly think that all of the true information I’ve passed along to him is either overstated or exaggerated. He wouldn’t know if it was or wasn’t until he’s above water again. But then again I don’t want him re-enlisting either on the basis that I want him to. I don’t want to feel like I owe him anything if it ends up being a “I re-enlisted because you wanted me to situation” down the road where he’s unhappy and tries to pin his unhappiness on me. (My ex always pinned his unhappiness on me, which is why this is even a fear in the first place).

So yeah. I’m just kind of riding through the days, hoping our Stay at Home order does ease on May 4th and that at least a few things are able to open up. At this point, I don’t even care what those few things are, I just want to see signs of things returning to normal.