dreaming of the bottom in Sometimes I feel dead inside

This is not an action movie as the only gun is metaphorical and held to my head. The bad man isn't a terrorist just a differing point of view. There is no obligatory woman to justify these actions. The lack of said woman doesn't facilitate anything. If anything the self flagellation pushes to keep them away from anything that is not physical interaction. Unable to be more, it's disappointing, unable to change, it's problematic. Jaded world view doesn't allow for anything more than an outdated title, an outdated way of thinking. Holding a standard is no longer valued, adaption will not allow it. At my core I still hope I'm wrong but the world has shown me nothing else. Is it a failure of expectations? Is it environment? Has there truly been a right of passage denied that will allow everything else to fall into place? Where did the last 10 years go? Should I be terrified for the next 10? Do I really have to hit bottom and lose hope to finally be happy?