I received a key today.
Such a small thing..marking such a large milestone. And every step he takes, he makes so nonchalant. Just crosses what seems like a bridge-worthy jump, with one fluid stride. He's so beautiful in ways I can't explain. Particular, peculiar, unique, and dazzlingly down to earth. He is every bit of fresh air I breathe in a week. Resets me, keeps me upright and chin high. He's good for me. It's terribly easy. Words aren't necessary. Everything is spoken in action and all the little gestures he repeats.
So . For the first time I was given a key. It's size cannot speak for the things it means, and the moments it stirs within me. He's so willing to let me into his life and every part of all the things that are him, that make him. Never a second thought, so sure of everything that I am, that he and I are. So this sense of security just astounds me. And I grip this little key between my fingers, clench it tight in my palm. I know to which door it belongs...And I think of times that have passed, with someone else, where this step was once one I would have fought for, and wanted to fight for...Where I sat upright barely buzzed and going on about how if we were going nowhere, that I needed to leave...So he did...He left me. And still, I look back, thinking of how I'd never get his key, we'd never share a key, because no matter how many times he made pictures of futures with me...He would turn cold. But as I am now..with no effort and no words..This one left me with an open door and opportunities to grow. Let me know that I am welcome, wanted. He came to me dressed for work and my eyes were barely shy of early waking. He was blue and bright and his hair tousled and left to be curly. He kissed me and cuddled me and told me he left me a key, and some food on the kitchen table. And when I woke an hour later without him..In his quiet home..I felt..belonging..I felt comfortable and embraced... And I thought again of the past..Remembering how that was all I ever wanted. And as I locked the door behind me to leave..I held the key...knowing..that I still haven't given him mine..and that it still resides in someone else's hand
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