What’s wrong with me in Dark hour

Whats wrong with me?
Every time I try to change it never goes well
I always go to my same habits
If I don’t hurt myself with a blade
I do it by boxing without gloves or the wrap to make my knuckles bleed
I tried asking for help trust me
But when I asked for help they didn’t know what to do
I feel emotionless at times and I hate it
I can’t get him out of my head
It has been about 6 months since the incident
Why can’t I get over him?
I thought he was the one and I feel like he was
Everyday I think about him
Every little thing reminds me of him
I just want it all to stop
I feel like I can’t breathe
Why can’t I make it stop?