Written offer in Journal of life stuff

Ok, so, to close out an earlier post, I got my written job offer! Yay! So it did end up happening. The offer was also for 15k MORE per year than discussed. Wow! First time that’s ever happened! And…nothing else changed. I can still move wherever I want. I can still work 100% remote. I won. I won without fighting. I get to move to a place that isn’t this toxic cesspit of boredom and ‘culture’. I get to move to a place where I can, hopefully, make friends with people under the age of 50. No, seriously, every single friend I have is 50+ up here. It’s nuts.

I should feel happier than I do. I don’t understand why not. Maybe because it doesn’t feel real yet. Maybe because I’ve heard my father shit on this company for over a decade when, by every metric, it’s the best company I’ve ever seen on paper of its size. And, to be fair, the only places I’ve ever seen that were better were super well funded startups that never last very long, but have stuff like office dogs. As far as companies with more than 10k employees, I’ve never seen one with benefits this good, comp this fair, and everything else. I’m…in abject shock at how good it is.

The good news is, I finally have no more reasons to keep eating myself into happiness. I have the job. I have income. I have the freedom to move wherever I want. I have the income that I don’t have to worry about using my savings. I can do my crypto trading without fear. Everything I’ve been worrying about and using as an excuse is gone. Now, if I keep gaining weight, I have nobody to blame but myself.

And, as far as my body goes, my work life has shown that I gave into despair too quickly in 2017. My life has shown that hard work does pay off, just not on the timescale you want it to. So, when I move, I need to focus on not eating out for a while and finding places outside my home I enjoy going (dog parks, shooting ranges, museums, etc) and spend as much time out and moving as I can. If I can find a powerlifting or bodybuilding gym that would be grand. Not for either activity, but because they tend to have squat racks instead of ‘machines’. I don’t want a fucking machine. I want 4 vertical metal poles to stand inside and two horizontal metal rods to catch the bar if I fuck up! NOTHING ELSE!

I have plane tickets and a hotel booked for a few weeks from now to go visit my new city. Turns out someone I’ve known for years online lives in that city and has offered to be a tour guide. Even if that falls through somehow, I can just rent a car and explore for myself. Flooding remains my top concern, but after all my research I keep coming back to the same fact of life: shit happens. I have the money to just drive away when a hurricane comes. Does it mean my treadmill might get flooded? That my desk may get broken? Yes. But I can take my computers and car away with me. I can drive away when the simplest whiff of a risk of a hurricane or tropical storm comes through. I will miss living on a 150 foot hill though. Knowing I won’t get flooded out, ever, has its psychological benefits.

Tomorrow I’m having lunch with two friends. I invited a third, but he’s a bit of a flake, so he’s missing out on his own accord. I learned my lesson in years past. I think it will be nice. Neither of them like to dominate the conversation, and they are so different that there will be plenty of room to chat about various subjects. Just as I like. And, it’s at my favorite restaurant up here.

I find myself leaving the house every single day, or nearly every day, to go walk around the same 3 grocery stores and look for stuff on discount. On Wednesday they had a large cake that had Kit-Kats around the outside and M&Ms on top. I had gotten one before, so I know underneath is frosting to hold the candy on and a cake inside. It’s actually really tasty. And the case was discounted to $6.99. A very, VERY, good deal! But, I didn’t get it. Why? Because I don’t even know how many calories are in it, and I have nobody to share it with. But why did I go out?

I go out because I get tired of being cooped up in my apartment all day. When I work from home, it will be vital for me to have outdoor activities I do, and places to wander around that are not grocery stories. I may finally buy a bicycle with disk brakes (I hate fucking cantilever brakes). I wouldn’t ride in the middle of the summer, but it would be enjoyable, if there are decent bike trails (not mountain bike trails, just…something kinda flat and away from cars), to ride my bike just to pass the time. To let my eyeballs focus on things at various distances instead of just the 18” to my monitor. To get sunlight on my skin, wind in my hair, and be moving.

I’d really like to find a dog park or a humane society/shelter that isn’t run by people who think that a dog should have the same rights as a human. I want to be able to show up and pet the dogs, groom them, play fetch with them..just…enjoy them. Maybe one day I’ll get one of my own, but I think right now that isn’t a good idea. It’s one of the reasons office dogs always appealed to me. I’d live for the moments when the dog came over to get pets, or when I could, while frustrated, walk over and stroke their fur to get my mind off a problem. Humans get all weird when you stroke them in the office place! :p

Being able to drive everywhere and park there will help. Having less traffic will help. Having a culture that isn’t worried about being on the bleeding edge of progressivism will help. But it’s on me to actually go outside, try things, explore, and not let my anxiety eat away at me. I’ve actually got a good handle on that, I think. I know my own habits and patterns. I will try not to go super hard on it such that I burn out and do damage. A large part of life is about finding balance, and I’ve never been good at that. I’m getting better though.

So yea, my cynicism was wrong. Everything turned out fine. Better than fine, it turned out beyond my wildest dreams. Now it’s time to go be excellent.