Be with me God! in Getting my feet wet. Jumping in

What a week this has been. The desire to journal has been present but the inability to do so was more mental than physical.
Valentines Day was nice. Phil had ordered one of those prepackaged “romantic” meals for 2 (but you eat off of for a couple days) from Market Street.
Saturday morning we woke to the sad news that Phil’s nephew had been killed in a car accident. Only 26 years old. What can you say? There are no words in any language to express the shock and grief felt in the loss of this vibrant young man. How do you comfort those left behind?
We decided that I would go to the memorial service because Phil didn’t “want to board the dogs” but I think the real reason is that he and his brother are estranged… but that’s another story about a severed relationship with a Trump and non-Trump supporter. I was able to get him to at least send his brother a text offering condolences. Sunday’s message that Melinda gave was on forgiveness and compassion. I guess this relationship is excluded.
The funeral is scheduled for Thursday. I booked a tiny house through Airbnb. The plan was to drive up Wednesday and come home after the funeral. Well, that WAS the plan. Tuesday on the way back home from taking my step dad to lunch, I get a call from the police. They are at the house. Phil’s truck is at the dealer getting serviced and he gets a call from the service department. Phil is not making sense, crying and disoriented. WTF!?! I’m 5 minutes away. I get home and he is drunk. I mean really drunk. He drank a significant amount of brandy- like the whole bottle! The policeman smiled, gently touched my shoulder and told me to call if I needed anything. As soon as they left Phil asked, “Why were the police here?” I made Phil a plate of food and he decided he was vegetarian. Geez! Too bad! Eat it! There is no use trying to talk to someone when they are in a state like this. They are not the same person.
Yesterday when we got up, he said he wasn’t going with me to see my stepdad because he needed to sleep. I told him wasn’t happening, he was going with me, so he could get himself bathed and dressed. He dutifully complied. After lunch he said he felt better and was ready to get his truck. Not today! I canceled plans to go to his nephews funeral because I don’t feel comfortable leaving him alone. A 72 year old man doesn’t have the liver he did at 25.
He only did this once before- that I’m aware of in the 10 years we’ve been together. However, it is not acceptable. I am going to confront him this weekend. Tomorrow is his birthday and think I should wait until that’s over. Anyway wish me luck. Be with me God, I’m going in.

Last updated February 20, 2020