02/14 in 2020 Vision

I’ve been experiencing the low sort of mood that has me so close to calling for an appointment to be put back on antidepressants. So close. But, history as shown over and over that if I just wait it out for about a week (if it lasts that long), the feeling passes. So I’m trying to wait it out. Plus the usual wait time to see my Dr for non-flu appts is typically a month. It will definitely have passed by then.

Email with The Young Buck is going well. Yesterday I got an e-mail from him finally referencing something I mentioned in one of my other e-mails, so I finally have confirmation that he’s getting them. I’m numbering mine so that he knows the order in which they were sent. I’m getting his all out of order (he says what day/date it is somewhere in his emails usually).

I’m glad we’re in the email phase right now though because I can hide this low mood and act all sweet/cheery in my emails even though that’s not how I’m currently feeling.

I’m avoiding FB today like the plague. I don’t want to be ambushed by pictures/videos of Valentines gifts & celebrations, although I truly am happy for those women. I’m wondering if The Young Buck (almost just typed his real name!) was here if we’d do anything fun to celebrate. I’d like to think we’d probably go out to eat and spend the night together.

Its sunny here. I should have taken the day off to go skiing. I didn’t check the weather forecast for today last night, otherwise I probably would have. I might fake sick next Tuesday though and give myself a 4 day weekend. Or I could get really sick and take Tues & Wednesday off and then just have a 2 day workweek. (I get Monday – President’s Day – off).

I mean this low mood does kind of have me feeling “sick” with headaches/increased heart rate, so it wouldn’t be a 100% lie. Right now it feel like the only way I can use up my PTO without them acting whiny about it is by getting sick (and I have 469.5 hours of PTO! That’s after taking an 80hr PTO cash out last November to help pay for dog surgery! Otherwise I’d have 549.5 hrs!) I’m feeling the effects of not taking time off though.

I’m probably going to be back to my normal self tomorrow. This low mood has lasted almost about a week, so the tides should be turning.

I miss my family. Its been almost 1.5 years since I saw any of them. Was supposed to fly home over Thanksgiving, but then dog surgery. So now its looking like a Spring road trip. They are all pretty firmly against flying out here at this point.

I’m just in a low mood today.

Ran into the ex again on Tuesday. At this point its sort of a “at least he’s still alive” sort of thing.

Last updated February 14, 2020