Anaissa
I’m a mature transgender female. Born, in error, into a male body, I have spent a lifetime trying to repress, sublimate or deny my feminine persona. I am finally ready to emerge as Anaissa, thereby freeing myself from the daily pain of gender dysphoria. Right now I am incredibly lonely but altogether hopeful.
“Sometimes I don't know what I am. But what I would like to be on the outside -- what I want other people to see -- is a girl.”
Entries 13
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Recovering from a Crash in The Emergence of Anaissa
I’ve been missing in action for the past few days as I’m recovering from a serious, head-on collision a few days ago. I am finally home, nursing a cracked sternum and several fractured ribs. I ho...
A Frightening Conversation in The Emergence of Anaissa
Not too long ago I negotiated a deeply personal covenant between my masculine and feminine spirits. In effect, my culturally dictated male persona said, “Look, I have been wearing a man-mask for ...
Welcome to Gray in The Emergence of Anaissa
It’s been a few days since my last post. Truth is, it’s been a difficult few days. The sexual assault I described continues to dredge up horrible memories and very confusing thoughts Though so ma...
A wish in The Emergence of Anaissa
Oh that I would have at least one person who would take my hand, call me friend, and love me even though I have come out as transgender (MtF).
Sleepless night: Rambling, Random Thoughts in The Emergence of Anaissa
Sleep eludes me once again. I return from the 24-hour diner, having failed in my attempt to drown my loneliness through a random sexual encounter with an equally horny man or woman. The pickings ...
Who Am I? in The Emergence of Anaissa
I sat in the waiting room staring at the oriental rug on the floor. Deep in thought, I wondered how I would answer when the therapist asked me why I was there. I imagined that he would fix his ey...
Gender Therapy in The Emergence of Anaissa
It’s pretty late (almost 2 in the morning), but I just wanted to take a moment and write down my initial thoughts about gender therapy and my new therapist. On the one hand I think it’s bullshit ...
Can’t Sleep in The Emergence of Anaissa
It’s 3:48 a.m. and I’m wide awake. Can’t stop thinking about my appointment with a gender therapist later this morning. I’ve been to a psychologist before, but I’ve never sat with someone who mig...
Innocence Lost in The Emergence of Anaissa
*(WARNING: This journal entry contains some graphic details that may be troubling for individuals who may have endured sexual violence and assault in their past. I certainly do not want to trigge...
Boy with the Perky Titties (Part II) in The Emergence of Anaissa
A boy hurtling through puberty tends to be somewhat vicious and woefully indelicate. In fact, he has an extraordinary ability to pounce on a classmate’s specific vulnerability. It’s as if he can ...
The Boy with the Perky Titties in The Emergence of Anaissa
Puberty kicked my ass pretty hard with a bit of a titty twist. My desire to become and live my life as a little girl had overwhelmed me since I was in kindergarten. While all the other boys clamo...
Relief in The Emergence of Anaissa
I received two thoughtful and kind well-wishes from angels who read my very first post. I hope I’ll hear from them again, but I am simply relieved that I have officially shared my intention to tr...
Hello in The Emergence of Anaissa
I am Anaissa. I am a MtF transsexual. I am sad and lonely as I am currently imprisoned in a male body and shackled by a lifestyle rooted in the wrong gender. I am hopeful, however, because today ...
