Beautiful_Disaster ⋅ 30 ⋅
Firefighter/EMT, Graphic Designer, Writer, artistic athlete and general ball of blonde chaos. I guess I'm just here to creep and unburden on whoever stumbles across these.
“It’s not art unless it has the potential to be a disaster.”
Entries 17
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Cardinal in Cheaper than Therapy
A Little red cardinal, trapped behind glass- only to be seen; never to be heard. Tired, feathered wings beat against the dust-frosted surface, leaving behind tiny imprints- the only evidence of h...
regrets in Cheaper than Therapy
I finally opened to you, and showed you a sliver of my most intimate, deepest pain. And you condemned me for it.
Agape in Cheaper than Therapy
[To be read to Agape, by Nicholas Britell] The late June air is thick with Midwest humidity; not syrupy and uncomfortable, but heavy like a weighted blanket or wool wrapped snugly around your bo...
aftershock in Cheaper than Therapy
Somewhere I read a quote along the lines of “you can always trick the mind, but the body keeps score”… and I think I actually scoffed at thinking about how many therapists would get a hard-on for...
Hypoxic in Cheaper than Therapy
The need to stain these weathered wood-paneled floors with dark crimson is overwhelming in the early morning hours lined with dark and loneliness. I am battered by waves of unrelenting thoughts a...
it's okay, you're okay -bonjr in Cheaper than Therapy
I was parked down by the water In an abandoned parking lot by the big port building decorated in rust A skeleton in haunting ruin. The sun was ebbing to its place below the horizon. I remember t...
Skin in Cheaper than Therapy
[Trauma is weird. I haven’t had an intrusive memory in a while, but when it does happen, it still manages to take me on with the force of an erratic rollercoaster derailing at the highest possibl...
unraveled in Cheaper than Therapy
somewhere along the way, I forgot my heart belongs among the trees and the hills to smoky bonfires on crisp, autumnal afternoons to stained-glass light streamed through leaves of red and gold in...
And here I am- standing on the very fine, jagged edge of my old life about to jump into the new. My heart is fluttering in anticipation, breath short and shallow with excitement, stomach filled w...
10.19.2021 in Journaled
Why do I feel like I need to hide here? I want to be so poetic but the whole point of journaling was to actually expel some of these ever-circulating thoughts that churn in the confines of my min...
Hatred in Cheaper than Therapy
“Hatred would have been easier. With hatred, I would have known what to do. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love.” -Margaret Atwood, Cat’s Eye oh how I wish I hated you ...
Time traveler in Cheaper than Therapy
It’s weird picking up this book here. It’s almost as if between the soft recycled papers, sprinkled among the small ink-printed words, there is a magic that wafts up from the turning of pages tha...
Someday in Cheaper than Therapy
Today I made my return back to Georgia- empty car, even emptier heart. Someday it won’t be this hard. Someday it will be better. Someday.
Not even in death in Cheaper than Therapy
We were arguing at the house. I can’t remember what about, but I never seem to remember. He did his usual- trap me, hold me emotionally hostage, suffocate me. He always did this to break me; to p...
Room 220 in Cheaper than Therapy
Today, I left Georgia and headed to Midstate South Carolina to settle into my “halfway” place- a shitty little motel off of a two-lane highway nestled in between expanses woods with long, grassy ...
Liar. in Cheaper than Therapy
I have grappled so hard with grasping onto my faith in humanity, but especially in this situation, all of my hope has been depleted to the very last drop. I don’t beg for empathy or pity, but onl...
It would have been easier in Cheaper than Therapy
I don’t understand. My world feels black- empty. For a while it was muffled, then muted, but now it just has vanished into nothingness. Why is it this hard? When do I stop hurting? I’m trapped, s...
