Entries 15

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A Little red cardinal, trapped behind glass- only to be seen; never to be heard. Tired, feathered wings beat against the dust-frosted surface, leaving behind tiny imprints- the only evidence of h...

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I finally opened to you, and showed you a sliver of my most intimate, deepest pain. And you condemned me for it.

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[To be read to Agape, by Nicholas Britell] The late June air is thick with Midwest humidity; not syrupy and uncomfortable, but heavy like a weighted blanket or wool wrapped snugly around your bo...

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Somewhere I read a quote along the lines of “you can always trick the mind, but the body keeps score”… and I think I actually scoffed at thinking about how many therapists would get a hard-on for...

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The need to stain these weathered wood-paneled floors with dark crimson is overwhelming in the early morning hours lined with dark and loneliness. I am battered by waves of unrelenting thoughts a...

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I was parked down by the water In an abandoned parking lot by the big port building decorated in rust A skeleton in haunting ruin. The sun was ebbing to its place below the horizon. I remember t...

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[Trauma is weird. I haven’t had an intrusive memory in a while, but when it does happen, it still manages to take me on with the force of an erratic rollercoaster derailing at the highest possibl...

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somewhere along the way, I forgot my heart belongs among the trees and the hills to smoky bonfires on crisp, autumnal afternoons to stained-glass light streamed through leaves of red and gold in...

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“Hatred would have been easier. With hatred, I would have known what to do. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love.” -Margaret Atwood, Cat’s Eye oh how I wish I hated you ...

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It’s weird picking up this book here. It’s almost as if between the soft recycled papers, sprinkled among the small ink-printed words, there is a magic that wafts up from the turning of pages tha...

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Today I made my return back to Georgia- empty car, even emptier heart. Someday it won’t be this hard. Someday it will be better. Someday.

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We were arguing at the house. I can’t remember what about, but I never seem to remember. He did his usual- trap me, hold me emotionally hostage, suffocate me. He always did this to break me; to p...

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Today, I left Georgia and headed to Midstate South Carolina to settle into my “halfway” place- a shitty little motel off of a two-lane highway nestled in between expanses woods with long, grassy ...

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I have grappled so hard with grasping onto my faith in humanity, but especially in this situation, all of my hope has been depleted to the very last drop. I don’t beg for empathy or pity, but onl...

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I don’t understand. My world feels black- empty. For a while it was muffled, then muted, but now it just has vanished into nothingness. Why is it this hard? When do I stop hurting? I’m trapped, s...

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