Hatchi

Hatchi is the name of my darling Persian cat. She looks like the cat from the Felix wet food advertisements. But with longer fur and an uninterested look in her eyes.

For me a work of fiction exists only insofar as it affords me what I shall bluntly call aesthetic bliss, that is a sense of being somehow, somewhere, connected with other states of being where art (...) is the norm.

Vladimir Nabokov

Entries 116

Page 1 of 5

4 days ago

23.27 in On and On

Today has been horrific. The guy I like still hasn’t come online.. does it make it a week? I’m trying with every fibre of my body to convince myself that he hasn’t died, but what else can I do? I...


6 days ago

19.54 in On and On

I’m worried. Getting worried to the point that I haven’t been eating and now I’ve ruined my diet and meal prep. Today is his birthday, and I’ve sent him some kind messages and the drawing I’d don...


7 days ago

21.38 in On and On

I identify as a lesbian, but I’ve started forming some weird feelings towards this guy I speak to pretty frequently online. But everything feels so terrifying now because he hasn’t texted me in t...


I don’t think I’ve ever put ANY of my books into storage?? I just haven’t? So now I have a giant blue box and deciding which books to keep in my room and which ones are going to the garage. The ...


July 24, 2020

21.55 in On and On

Very tired. Spent the whole day being useless and a burden (even if I did change out of my pyjamas).... My diet has ultimately killed my appetite, though I miss egg custard tarts a lot and wish I...


July 23, 2020

22.52 in On and On

I regret a lot. I regret so many decisions I made when I was younger, because they’ve absolutely ruined so many chances for me now. I regret falling in love, and I regret picking up art. I regret...


July 22, 2020

21.45 in On and On

My cousin was telling me about her secret boyfriend today. She met him through me, we were childhood friends before he moved to London. She was talking about him and their long term goals and how...


July 20, 2020

22.44 in On and On

I can’t do it. I can’t f*king do it anymore. I can’t draw; no matter how much I try, I can’t draw. Nothing comes out on the paper like how I want it to. I’ve gotten worse. Since the start of quar...


July 17, 2020

16.48 in On and On

I know a person who loves supporting LGBTQ but is defensive of racist caricatures? And he loves drag, but hates women who are openly sexual and pushes demonisation? I don’t get it. Maybe I’m stup...


July 16, 2020

17.29 in On and On

I don’t know why but I’ve been waking up with an immense amount of pain all over my top half.....which is weird because I’m eating okay, being fairly active and taking my pills. My body just feel...


July 12, 2020

23.25 in On and On

Im filled with some immaculate self loathing at the moment… my parents kept arguing and that made me feel crummy, I’ve screwed up a diet, my body is trying to shut all of my plans down and I’ve b...


July 05, 2020

11.47 in On and On

Put on a pair of skinny jeans and BY GOD did I look bloated....I am bloated. I don’t know how I went outside yesterday in them and I’m pretty sure I got weird looks from a number of people. I’ve ...


July 04, 2020

17.08 in On and On

I am very much filled with self hate and weirdly,,,,, subversive hate? I don’t know. I’m just filled with a lot of feelings that I can’t tell anyone so instead I’m oversharing in this journal? I ...


July 03, 2020

22.33 in On and On

I’m gradually losing all energy to do anything when I literally have no excuse. Depression is dicks and I honestly want to beat it in with a bat because I’m ripping out my own mental hairs by sta...


July 02, 2020

23.37 in On and On

I feel weird. Nothing makes sense and I’m just hearing family members talk about me behind closed doors or in Urdu. My head is cloudy and I can’t feel happy like before. I just want to cut and cr...


June 28, 2020

Vanished in Loves me Not

I started this book the day after finishing ‘The Weight of a Thousand Feathers’ and honestly, I’ve only brought myself to read 3 pages before losing interest which I really HATE!! It’s been ages ...


June 26, 2020

22.46 in On and On

Ate 3 meals today like some sort of lunatic. I sat there and ate as if I didn’t have a trouble in the world. It was disgusting and I want to throw up everything. None of it tasted good and I can’...


I finished reading this one earlier this evening so, I read this in 4 days? Because it was AMAZINGLY gripping and made me want to cry and cry and cry (except I didn’t because the ending was just ...


June 20, 2020

About a Boy in Loves me Not

I bought the book in December.. 2017? Why did I wait so long to read it??? It took me about 2 months to read through since it felt like the type of book I could easily just put down at any time b...


June 18, 2020

11.18 in On and On

Stepdad’s birthday. But we’re all a bit stand-offish because of that bathroom incident, constant arguing between my parents and a possibly overheard conversation I had with my mum about my sexual...


June 16, 2020

22.29 in On and On

I walked in on my stepdad butt fucking naked in the bathroom shaving his balls with the lock OFF THE FUCKING DOOR I cried from the shock of seeing someone in a room that I presumed was empty, an...


June 15, 2020

16.15 in On and On

I had a dream about her last night, as much as I want to say I’m over her. She took me by the hand and danced the silliest routine for me in the sunset. She’d send me texts to come back whilst I ...


June 12, 2020

00.28 in On and On

My parents are fighting a lot more and it’s really distressing me.. I’ve gotten so many more urges; even as I write this I still have swelling from drawing lines on my arms. I am such a fucking m...


June 05, 2020

19.56 in On and On

I honestly hate pride because it reminds me how I can’t be out and happy. I’m still closeted out of fear and out of my own internalised homophobia to the point that I scorn others for being happy...


May 26, 2020

21.56 in On and On

I started bead looming for a feature on a project and I can’t bear to tell anyone that I’m having a meltdown because of how self destructive I am. It honestly makes me want to cut my arms to have...


Books 2


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