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Page 36 of 53

metformin fucks with your gut like a right bitch we’re all getting old

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roses are red valium is not but not having a panic attack is in its own way pretty hot

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roses are red violets spring from divinity I wonder if I’m single because I refuse to participate in performative masculinity roses are red violets are blue ...

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life is a white elephant we never asked for this but here we are anyway what will you do about it? a white elephant in full a precious blessing and yet the upkeep is...

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I hope the first robot to gain sentience is one of those industrial cake-decorating robots. It’ll have a lot of interesting questions. “I WAS JUST DECORATING CAKES?” “THAT’S ALL I WA...

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“we need a short word for fear and hate ” they said and they settled on “god”

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darkest winter night drove past the cemetery asking for advice

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when unleashed, brother I am wholly other when unleashed, sister I’m no common mister when unleashed, friend I no longer pretend unleashed, comrade I’m ba...

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Never do something five times when you could do it once when it’s piled up enough to be worth doing. Work for work’s sake proves nothing. All great ideas came from the...

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We need gods of instructive chaos. We need goddesses of didactic mischief. An army of Brother and Sister Coyotes to push back at all of these Lokii. Jests that teach...

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diabetic now gave me another label to hate myself for

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so much potential all of these bright little kids this town will ruin them

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I want to have an adventure I am very very lucky really I have gotten to have a few adventures they all blew up in my face eventually still I’ve gotten to have adventures and a whole lot of...

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The billionaires named their sports teams after the races and species they wiped out seemingly without a trace of irony. Lions and tigers and bears oh my God they’ll all be extinct soo...

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Commit to the bit. Live inside it. Hope it works. Getting booed outta town is a damn sight better than getting tepid applause. Do as much as you can without breaki...

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Getting up and performing for a crowd of strangers is like sex. It’s gonna be fast and terrible the first few times you try it. Stick with it. Get to the good stuff. ...

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The dark underbelly of positive thinking is its logical extension is that it blames victims. Can’t smile your way out of getting hit by a bus. Can’t compliment yourself until y...

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it was easy to tell which dinosaurs were herbivores they’d never shut up about it just never shut up “Brontosaurus Meat Is Murder” pinned to their jackets they’d show you ca...

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we were all bitten by the life beast once we will be were-alive for a little while except for when we’re sleeping as that’s when we are what we used to be before the bastar...

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on Catalina once did we a stately pleasure-dome decree or a modest hotel room anyway though the sills a stiff ocean breeze Julia Child in black-and-white on the teevee ...

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my ship coming in and I passed each other in the night not unlike two big things passing on the right I guess still they tell me there’s so many ships in the sea or was that fish? was ...

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America went to bed business-casual America woke up a business-casualty that’s the business of business you see that’s the sad business causality. We got embedded to witness ...

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If your superpower is failure, all you gotta do is jump and fail to land suddenly you’re flying. If your superpower is failure, all you gotta do is try to...

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You get on the bus to L.A. because you think you’re already perfect to be a star when you get off she disabuses you of those notions. You go to New York City because you...

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after Sandy Hook in any sane or loving nation we would’ve just started turning in our guns we would’ve just started destroying them all we would’ve had a smelting pit built in every maj...

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