Entries 1,227
Page 41 of 50
Thinking about new decisions.
My day off is coming to an end. I ended up not doing anything today because everything I wanted to get done wasn’t going to happen because of the holiday. I’ve just watched tv and enjoyed resting...
Disconnected.
Now that my niece went home and I’ve showered, I feel a bit better about things. I’ve now taken my Tylenol PM and am laying here in my bed waiting to get sleepy. I have my phone on silent and wil...
I just suck.
So I worked 34 hours this week which is alright. Not as much as I wanted but it’s not bad. My next check goes straight to rent so I’m living on tips until the check after. I am so sick of even ta...
Feeling stronger today.
Today is already starting out to be a better day. I woke up to some sunshine and the wind isn’t blowing so that already puts me in a better mood. The boss text and ask if I could pick up some peo...
Fuck today.
Alright so it’s not been a good day for me and I’m just glad to finally be at home, in my pajamas getting warm. It’s been super cold and rainy today and is supposed to be like this all week which...
Cable, users and abusers.
Alright so my days off have been excellent. I got so much done today and was able to buy a new pair of jeans that actually fit!!! I’m enjoying just sitting here by myself doing nothing because by...
What to do.
So I put in my 45 hours last week and still feel pretty tired. I wish I could just stay home today and rest but I have to leave for work in about 2 hours. They called me to come earlier but by th...
WTF is up with people?!?!?!
Alright so I just finished another work with with 37.5 hours, 20 of them just today and yesterday. I’m pretty fucking tired and going to bed once I get done writing this. I have a couple of thing...
Some other stuff.
I had a couple of other things I didn’t write about in my last entry. One of them being my side affects to the Belviq. I quit taking it last Tuesday and feel so much better. I just had ongoing co...
Another day in the life of me.
Glad to have another work week over with. Yesterday I worked all fucking day and it was hotter than shit inside of my store. I about lost my mind. It was super hard to concentrate and everyone wa...
More Treadmill DRAMA!
Ok so this morning I wake up and check my bank account and I had a charge of $482.89 taken out. I immediately call the bank to find out what the hell it’s for and they didn’t know but said that i...
Time, money, crazy week.
It’s been just a whirlwind of craziness this week. Between not getting enough sleep, work, my niece and trying to get my house cleaned up, I’m just exhausted. My niece stayed over last night and ...
Life is just crazy.
So there’s been something going on here in my town that has completely rocked me. There’s this guy that’s brothers to a guy my brother and I both know that beat a 21 month old boy so bad that he ...
Changes and Eric.
So I’ve decided that starting today I’m gonna get back on my diet all the way and stop convincing myself that I need fast food or junk food. It’s gonna be a hard habit to break because I’ve been ...
Work d-bag, sleep, Belviq, ERIC.
Alright so work has been going alright with the exception of the GM being a little big for his britches and doesn’t know how to handle situations properly. He yelled at me for an issue that I tho...
My birthday/work/Eric.
So my birthday was incredible. I got my nails done and then my parents brought me a cake, balloon, a card and $20. Then my brother brought me another cake and then I had to work until 9:30 and th...
Eric, I think I've realized something.
Yeah okay so .......................Eric came over last night and we had sex for about 3 hours. It was absolutely incredible and I couldn’t have asked for a better experience with someone. We did...
Work, an apology I never thought I'd get.
Alright so I went to work and busted serious ass for 2 hours, I only made $15 and then I got off. I left there and had to come home because I ripped my pants and had to change them. Thank God nob...
Decision has been made.
I’m going back to my old job. I’ve been up all night tossing and turning thinking about everything and decided that it’s best for me to go back to my old job. I know that it’s a bunch of bullshit...
Concerned.
So I’ve been doing some thinking about my new job. I’m not happy at all about my schedule and wondering if should text my old boss about going back there. My new boss has scheduled me to close Th...
New job, my brother, tired.
Alright so I worked 11-1pm at new job yesterday and then 4-9pm at my old job yesterday. I’m pretty fucking tired because I’ve had to be at the new job at 10 or 11am everyday this week and I hate ...
Anxiety setting in.
So I have less than 24 hours before I have to start orientation for the new job. I feel very anxious but not enough to change my mind. I had a helluva time getting to sleep last night even though...
Yet another day in paradise.
I want to start off by saying thank you to everyone for your notes and support since I don’t have have much of that in the flesh!!! I love logging on and seeing so many notes and the helpful thin...
Some people are just draining.
Yesterday was just a shitty day all the way around. I was having a horrible day at work so I called my brother hoping he would be there for me and he wasn’t, like usual. He asked me if I had seen...
Honesty is NOT the best policy.
Quick entry before I go to bed. So earlier this afternoon I drop the bomb about me finding another job and it didn’t go well. I start off saying that I can only commit to being able to work Tuesd...
Book Description
I’m really not into switching to another site but it looks like OD is going offline in the next few days. I downloaded my diary but it looks way different and doesn’t seem like all my entries are in it and that makes me very sad. I’ve gone through so much in the past 3 years and everything is documented on OD.
Anyway, I’m just exhausted from work and school. I love that I have so much going on and I am creating a better future for myself but getting enough sleep is always a task. I still have to take TYlenol PM every night or else I will be wide awake until I do. I am just so sick of it. I miss being able to go to sleep on my own. There’s just so much going on nowadays and I don’t want to spend all my free time at home sleeping.
I got most of my homework done and I feel pretty good about that. I’m glad that i’m in an easy math class this semester because that is my toughest subject. I love my computer class because it’s stuff that I already know how to do, I’ll just get better at it and learn a few things along the way.
So it looks like I’ll be going to court on the 21st for my small claim lawsuit against the place that fucked me over on my car. I talked to the mechanic today that worked on it and he said that he would go to court with me but I never believe they’ll actually do what they say until the time comes. I really hope he does because his statement is really important and I just don’t know who else is going to come with me.
I still don’t have much to do with my family. My Mom is probably the biggest bitch I’ve ever known and I just can’t stand trying to talk to her one the phone. I called her yesterday to let her know when the court date will be because I couldn’t hear her because they were in the car with the windows down because they were smoking and I tried to tell her I couldn’t hear her and she got all defensive so I hung up. I was just too fucking tired to deal with her attitude and how rude she is to me so I hung up and went about my day.
I decided that if they don’t give me any money when they get their taxes that I will be completely cutting them out of my life. I helped them with $1,300 in the month that I borrowed her car and gave it back with a full tank of gas so I do expect even $40 when they get their taxes. Her and my Dad both told me that they would give me some but I really doubt they actually will because they NEVER pay anyone back and that’s why no one helps them anymore but I almost lost my car and got my cable shut off from helping them and I just feel like if they don’t even attempt to pay me back then they didn’t appreciate me helping. I know that I need to cross them off regardless if they pay me back or not but if I don’t hear from them when they get their taxes, that will be the last fucking straw for me. My family has done nothing but use me and shit on me my entire life so I don’t expect much but it’s just sad how much they have fucked me over and the negative affect they’ve had on my life.
It’s been nice to be off today and yesterday, it’s been much needed. I just feel like I never get enough sleep and being sleep deprived all the time is really not good. I’m glad to have just been at home to hang out, sleep, take a hot bath and get most of my homework done. I hate feeling like I never get enough sleep and I feel like I walk around like a zombie most of the time. What made it worse was having to get up 3 days in a row and 2 of those days was dropping my car off to get some shit fixed. It’s nice to take my car to the mechanic and not have to deal with a bunch of drama to get it back. I don’t have to worry about anything and that alone makes me grateful to have a different car.
My ex is still on my mind quite a bit, more than what i want him to be. I just can’t understand why I can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m still stuck on why he treated me so badly and how he did everything he could to convince me that it was completely acceptable for us to never see each other and that if was fine for him to never include me in his life at all. I was just fighting a losing battle and wouldn’t let go of it. I know that it’s because I had no one else and loneliness was a huge factor but I will NEVER again let someone talk to me like he did. Just because he didn’t call me names like my ex John did, doesn’t mean he was any less abusive. He said some of the most awful things about not only me but people I loved and cared about. He got sick pleasure from knowing how much he brought me down. My friend at work said that I need to find happiness within myself and she’s right. I need to work on myself and figure out my feelings towards my past before I try to find another relationship because it wouldn’t be fair if I met someone now because they would suffer from how others have treated me and I’m not ready to be with someone. Yeah it would be nice to have someone to do shit with in my free time and I would love the company but I need to figure out myself first. My ex left behind a very confused, hurt, shattered person and I need to fix what he did to me, not by finding someone new but learning how to be comfortable within myself and focus on school and work and just doing me before trying to bring someone into my life.
