Entries 40

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My bird-like wrist bones are being twisted as he shoves my arm up behind my back. I was so close, inches away from getting out, getting away. But now, here I am, my body being forced to accommod...

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I’m posing a recent email I wrote to the therapist I used to go to in college…Somehow, despite doing my best Will Hunting routine (now with 99% less mathematical genius!) back when I was client ...

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The tunnel is long, the light so small it’s hard to even see. It hardly makes sense to keep walking towards it. I just want to be still… in the dark. My dad is home after his terrible accident...

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Nearly a year since he’s been gone… The other night I was thinking about the story of Lobo the Wolf…I am not sure where Alex first learned of the story. Its actual invention was many, many year...

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An unfinished entry I started writing about Chris’ visit in December 2023…. I’m sure that annual holiday depression robbed me of the rest of my words that were needed to complete this entry… But...

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It’s funny… Usually when you wake up on the living room floor with your nails all jaggedly broken off, you would be looking around for the culprit. For me, it’s as simple as remembering back to w...

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Lately, I have been thinking a lot about this quote I underlined in Journey to the End of the Night by Louis-Ferdinand Celine…The best thing to do when you’re in this world, don’t you agree, is t...

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I slept with him again. After declining months of his invitations dressed up as come-ons, I finally gave in. I don’t know why. Like many other times before, he told me he was passing through town...

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i. ryoko you weren’t even talking to me by the time i tried to kill myself that year. the first push happens around my birthday, when, for reasons unknown, your boyfriend, colin, dumps you uncere...

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I am going to die. Even though I’m only about 6 years old and my life has barely started, I am certain of it. His hand of burred skin already covering my mouth and nose, he leans hard on my windp...

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If anyone asks…it wasn’t me. I wasn’t even there. My defense….my paltry, paltry defense…my cage of denial. Went out to spend the weekend with that guy I went on a date with…Before I even went, I ...

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“You’re so easy.” I hate that he says that to me…but, ironically, it’s the way he’s gotten me undressed the fastest. A crack of a cap gun at the start of the race. A bugle call for the sun coming...

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I am standing in the kitchen of a cottage I don’t recognize. The kitchen is a rich blue with pops of yellow gingham. Daffodils in a cobalt vase. Curtains that actually complement the walls. Coppe...

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Last night, he offered me his arm to hold. We were on the street in a white out. I grabbed on, as we slid our feet over sidewalks greased with the sludge of the people who shuffled there before ...

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“Please, mom, don’t let me get shot-I don’t want to die yet.” My 8 year old begs me this as we are running to the exit of the mall. The crowd blurs around us. I can’t pick out individual people-o...

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We are all dressed in Sunday best the day you nearly run us over with your car. Your nicest clothes are dark olive Dockers like mechanics wear & a plaid button down shirt, but you still reek ...

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I’ve been thinking about the day you shot the cow in the yard. I had a Fisher Price tape recorder as a child, all primary colors and thick, chunky plastic parts. It was my favorite toy when I was...

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From time to time, I still think about the others I met in the hospitals and crisis centers, in the lowest points of our lives. And I wonder if they’re ok. I wonder if they beat the statistics of...

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The 80s education system loved a puppet. I don’t know why, but back then, the teachers often used puppets to teach us morals and anti-drug messages in our tiny, rural school. We had a whole progr...

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His clarion call comes at night to me from inside my dreams….Like a gust of wind blowing through an attic full of sheet covered objects. And even though it looks like shivering ghosts in here, I...

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Once I had a sister. Actually 2. And a brother. We were born spaced apart…my older sister is nearly 4 years older than me, I’m nearly 5 years older than my younger sister, who is nearly 5 year...

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The first thing I’m aware of in the dark is the smell of soap—my mother’s one indulgence has always been taking long baths… I can’t see her in the lightlessness of her room, but I can picture he...

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ebruary 27, 2022 Previous: Rowan’s Birthday Letter- Age 7Next: Weather Report: High Chance of Snowflake Empty Handed at the Table When it comes to the rose, if I can just hold onto memory of the...

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As many of my longtime readers know, I write letters to my children on their birthdays. I send the letters to an email account I’ve created–with the intent of turning over the username/password ...

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A weekful of long Mondays, day after day of cloud cover…that gray umbrella, alienating me from the sun… On Monday, while I was at work, I got a call from my ex telling me he was going to the ho...

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