I'm still getting used to this layout. It's difficult to motivate myself to write here... I miss opendiary still.
Today was an interesting day. I should really be asleep but my brain is on overdrive a bit and at around 9pm I downed two redbulls during a late dinner, so- here we are.
I flew to NY for the weekend. I got here Sat morning around 5am and I'm flying out at about 530 tonight. Last year my beloved gramma' passed away and Sunday was the unveiling ceremony for the headstone. It was really nice. The trip to NY was really nice, overall. I got to see most of my friends and family. All for very brief instances but, I got to see them, nonetheless. Tomorrow I'm getting a few more people together for breakfast in Brooklyn and then spending the last few hours hanging out with my mom. She's hitting a midlife thing and decided she wants to dye a strip of her bright red hair- blue tomorrow. So I told her I'd help, so she didn't end up with green hair or poop colored smudges. My mother... she's... hard to handle.
In my teen years we fought a lot. I didn't realize till later that she had some serious problems. I started to counsel her during college, I was taking psych 101 and thought I could make some headway with her. I began to get through to her but I moved away shortly after. She has to have a form of adult ADD or ADHD. She just has to. The symptoms she has are so bad, she can hardly follow a conversation for longer than 3 minutes... it's infuriating and I feel bad for yelling at her because while she's never been diagnosed... it's painfully obvious she has a severe disorder and I wish there were something I could do. She denies up and down that she loses focus. She swears she's paying attention to what your saying than recites back the last 3 words she hear but can't tell you why they were said. She asks me a question then while I answer he she changes the subject 5 times until I give up trying to answer. She forgets things too, it's getting bad. And she'll argue till she's blue in the face that she's right with no fact to back it up... she can hardly follow simple instructions! Leaving the cemetery today she asked if I wanted her to shut the door. I said "yea, sure, go ahead". "Yeah? Close it? "Yeah, go ahead mom!" "Leave it?" "Go ahead!"
....she walks away and leaves it open...
Abuughertriadjnfjnjfuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhfffffffff srsly?! The simplest thing she's said to me ALL FUCKING WEEKEND and she couldn't execute a simple maneuver cause she just couldn't focus enough to realize wtf I was saying.
Oohh it's been frustrating. She hurts my brain. I love her so much, she's still my mother, and I know she means well. She's so kind (slightly overbearing) and taught me everything I know about kindness, compassion and love... but she irritates me to the point of madness and I always end up fighting with her. I hate it.
On the plus side of things, I'm leaving tomorrow, so I will sleep tomorrow night in the big, strong, warm arms of my handsome man-some in my big, soft bed in my quiet little apartment 3,000 miles away. I already miss my friends and family, nut not as much as I miss the peace and quiet of BHam and my luv.
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