I absolutely hate snow, and for 3 hours now it just is piling up out side. Why I live in this state still is beyond me. Then again again, they do say, once your here, youre stuck, and if you’re born here, you’ll never leave.
Over my dead body.....
Tried to finally put to rest my last…lingering insecurities about Tori and that kid. It didnt end well. Its not that I dont believe her, in the aspect of wanting this to work, though in the sense of being upfront and honest about everything, kind of like stating theres no one else…when early…for almost 2 months…there was....something there.
Im over worrying about it really, Im all in, if it turns out she isnt…what else is there to do?
I am a good man, flowers, dates, spoiling, being a provider, I work hard, I drive to always further my education, I work hard on my physical appearance, i like to think Im funny, understanding, and caring. I do have my flaws, but I acknowledge thsm, and try to better my self. All I can do is give her my best, hope the future I see unfolds. If she walks away....someone will love me completely, want a family, and grow together......
Right?
Feeling like you’re never enough, for the one you love, is suffocating.
9 a.m and I still havent fallen asleep. This is bound to be a long day, Im really trying to get a few things done before the weekend. Jeanetta will be touching down Thursday, its the first time she has been in town in over a year. Shit, I was still with Gabby the last time she was home. Crazy. To think I almost stayed home, didnt see Jay when she was home because of Gabby, and 2 weeks later she broke up with me one morning and never spoke to me again. HA! Turned out to be one of the absolute best nights of my life.
You never know how much you can miss a friend until they see no longer at ypur finger tips, when their comfort is 4 states over, when ya wanna celebrate, and theres no one there.....
Which reminds me…Christmas. Last year, Tori and I had so much going for Christmas, and the atmosphere was so warm and loving, I forgot how lonely the Holidays really are for me. My family does nothing, they barely speak to each other, I just sit and call, best of wishes, or drop gifts off and am hurried off becauss they have their own things, family events to tend to with their....husbands and wives. I used to get invited to kcs, not sure I remember exactly when that stopped.
I thought about doing a ginger bread house my self, spiked eggnog, and Christmas movies. However, the thought of all that alone, seems more depressing then just doing my everyday routine.
What exactly is someone suppose to do when the Holidays are all about friends, family, love ect, but youre alone?
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