13.12.19 in this life inside my head

Am I just lying to myself? Convincing myself that I am over someone but in reality I am latching onto another relationship to enter the void of denial? Why can’t I get rid of these feelings I’m feeling? Like I am lying to myself and in doing so I am lying to everyone else too? I feel guilty. But why? I haven’t done anything wrong. But it is wrong to have your mind occupy about someone who isn’t your boyfriend. It is wrong that you feel physically upset at someone who shouldn’t be romantically important to you anymore. It is wrong to feel like you belong to someone else when you are in fact in a relationship with your supposed lover. Are you in love? If you are, do you know who it is? Why are you avoiding this situation? Why are you lying to yourself? Or is it because you didn’t get closure? Will you know once you get down to the environment where you will be confronted with your reality? Do you only have lingering feelings because you never got closure? Do you have lingering emotions because he is a mystery to you? Do you have lingering love because you are bittersweet and always have wondered “what could have been?” Why are you at war with yourself? But deep down… you know the truth. You know who you are in love with. and. It isn’t the person who you deeply wish it could be. Time to stop lying to yourself now. Deep down you know your first heartbreak never ended, it just took a break. Now, your cuts are infected again. It is time to put the bandaid on.