Head Games in Life After 60

“Whoever fights with monsters should see to it that he does not become a monster in the process. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.
Nietzsche had a way with words. And I can relate to this quote. Fighting monsters is no picnic and if you are not careful you become a monster. But then how else can you defeat them? Some think Nietzsche was saying If you seek to fight the “monsters”, then you shouldn’t do it using their methods, or you’ll be as bad as the thing you want to destroy.
But in military strategy, one must know what the enemy is thinking so one can launch a counteroffensive. Much like beating your opponent in any type of game. You have to get inside their minds.
My phycologist told me after our first meeting that I was manic depressive with suicidal tendencies. Add to that schizophrenia and hallucinations and you have got one certifiable monster just waiting to go off. And in my case, it wasn’t one big thing, it was several seemingly little things. (well they didn’t seem so little at the time)
But I do have an understanding of what someone on the edge feels like. Life comes at you at the speed of sound and dumps all its problems on you at once. The human mind, (we at least mine) is not made to deal with all this. So it goes into defense mode.
And add to that your well-meaning friends and family who tell you, snap out of it, it’s nothing to let it get to you and you have the perfect storm. And some just can’t deal with it and they take what they think is the only way out. And it is not easy. Until you have walk that mile you have no idea.
Last week I realized the monsters are coming for me again. It’s hard to talk to people about it. Some understand but don’t know what to say and others look at you like you are a three-headed monster. And some days, that is how I feel.