I have not been able to sleep well all this week. Every night its been a fight to go to bed. I thought today would be better because I didn't have a nap, but its still the same. Exhausted, yawning, checking the clock, tossing and turning, counting sheep, chanting mantras, listening to white noise... Nothing.
And a million things going through my head. Depression. Mental Health. Friendships, good and bad. Business. Goals. Career. Homework. Money. Anxiety. Self-Doubt. Frustration. Curiosity. Makeup. Skincare. Health. Vegetables. Fruit. Exercise. Past clients. Photography. Portfolio. To-Do. Yoga. Running. Moving. Insecurity. Fear. Failure. Ambition. Self-Control. Insomnia. Sadness. Loneliness. Hungry. Marketing. Work. Red Bull. Guilt.
All these things. I looked up photography business information. I read an article about concussions in the NHL. I thought about how I always feel terrible for sleeping in class, but how I can't not fall asleep in class. Today, I had a whole can of Red Bull at the beginning of class, and I still fell asleep straight away after finishing it. I thought about how bloody tired I am and can't fall asleep. I thought about how I'm starting to notice the physical effects of depression a little more lately. How far behind I am on homework. How far behind I am on editing work. How far behind I am on personal accomplishments. So many things. Just random drivel.
The questions that crop up when one should really be sleeping. Fairly annoying.
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