Case of the Sundays in What's Happening

  • Oct. 20, 2019, 8:57 a.m.
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  • Public

I woke up hungover this morning and I decided to conduct a forensic investigation to find out what I did last night while I was drunk. I traced some Dorito’ powder residue that was on the couch to an empty Doritos bag in the trash can. A DNA test confirmed that the residue had a 1 in 845,000,000 chance of being from that empty bag (just kidding about that part). This was concerning for a couple reasons:

  1. Apparently I ate an entire bag of Doritos.
  2. I didn’t have any Doritos in the house so I must’ve gone out to get them.

I decided I really didn’t want to know any more about what I did last night so I called off the investigation.

Drinking alcohol really isn’t worth the hangover. That’s why I rarely do it anymore. I was more resilient when I was in my 20’s and a good hangover was like a badge of honor. In my 30’s a hangover is shameful. In a way, my massive hangovers are a blessing because of my tendencies to binge drink once I get started with one drink. The thought of a hangover keeps me from drinking almost all of the time.

Last night was a different story though. I’m the Best Man in my friends wedding and they were having a post-bridal shower get-together at their house so I decided to attend.

As usual, the weekend is going by so fast. Time in general seems to just move so fast these days.

I need to head back up to North Jersey tonight and bring some more things with me; especially some supplies for cooking. I need to purge the Doritos in my stomach with some delicious vegetables. Believe it or not, when it comes to eating an entire of bag of Doritos - it’s not the quantity of the tortilla chips that is disgusting to me. It’s more to do with the amount of MSG that grosses me out. MSG just makes me feel so sick.


Last updated October 20, 2019


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