Ronan is outside by himself right now. I’ve been letting him play alone out there more often lately, keeping an eye through the windows. I want him to play independently and not feel as though he has to have supervision in a lot of his experiences with the world. He’s not even two yet, but he’s exploring his environment, and i want to encourage that behavior and that curiosity as fervently as i can. He’s rolling his car along the sidewalk right now. I love to watch him, especially when he doesn’t know i am. He just sings or talks, walks around and picks up rocks, digs in the dirt, or whatever. I always find rocks around the house, and i know they’re little collectibles from the yard.
He went swimming with my mom today while nick had an interview at uab. I’m desperately hoping he gets an offer. He sounded really excited and confident after he called me, so i’m enthusiastic for him.
My brain has been sharty this week. I’ve had some fatigue and just some mind fog. I’ve felt like an outcast at work even though i’m definitely not. Nobody treats me that way. I just sometimes can be really flamboyant with my sense of humor, and it’s probably off-putting to some, but honestly no one treats me like it is. They laugh and cut up with me. I’m probably just insecure about being “myself” in a work environment, after my last job was such shit toward any expression outside of what they found appropriate. When i came back from maternity leave, i was very much like, fuck all yall, I’m going to be myself because i have not the energy to be anything else. And my priorities had changed so significantly when i had my son that I was no longer willing to give all of myself to my job with very little in return.
But that is a subject i could spend many hours dissecting. I am still sorely resentful.
Ronan is so cute that i’m going to stop writing this and go smother him with kisses.
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