Its so hard to put in words. I was laying in bed earlier after my appointment and in my head it all came out so clear but now its all mumbled. My sister and i were talking about depression during my appointment today and how i wish it would just go away. (I battle with mdd ( major depression disorder))
I am so tired of battling this depression. Its a constant struggle. I dont think anyone will ever know what its like to have what i have. The constant depression. Its exhausting but im expected to stay strong to keep going.
Sometimes i wonder why i have to keep strong.
I have the hardest time seeing where my life matter. What value my life has. Do i really matter. What do i contribute?
Living with mdd is one hard battle that i will never win. Ever. I will never be happy. Yes i have happy moments. But they disappear just as fast as they come and i am right back where i started. I use my skills but they dont last.
I hide my depression well. But when im alone its always there. I try to sleep but thats hard to do. People say i have it good cuz i get out of bed and have a job.
But thats all i have. Is a job. Some kind of hope i guess that my job can help me.
I also have an amazing best friend Jen that no matter what is always here for me. She doeant realize that her being here has helped keep me here.
I think i now know even when my sister and i have issues she will be here for me.
That she will always have my back. That she will always be in my corner. I kinda expected her like my brother to at some point give up on me almost like im a lost cause.
I feel like a lost cause.
Well thats about it for tonight. My heads clearer now.
Loading comments...