Blunt but true.
The past few days have been...well, odd, to say the least. Going into the ER for what I thought was an upper respiratory thing or even pneumonia turned into a cancer diagnosis. I've been in the hospital since Sunday, talking to doctors, having lots of tests, a surgical lymph node biopsy, bone marrow biopsies. Tomorrow I get a PET scan and a port for chemo treatment surgically implanted.
Despite all of this I'm doing remarkably well. Yes, I'm scared. Yes, I'm dreading the months to come, but...I don't know. It doesn't help to freak out and wear myself down with worry. Aside from the cancer, I seem to be pretty healthy. And, as far as cancers go, this one's a pretty good one to get due to how treatable it is. I'm young and female, which works to my advantage. It is in my liver, which isn't the greatest, but not in my bone marrow. Typical treatment, a type of chemotherapy protocol I don't know the specifics on, works well and has doesn't have as highly toxic effects as other forms of chemotherapy. PET scans allow for my oncologist to know if treatment is working, so they can change it should that be necessary. If chemo doesn't work, bone marrow transplants often do, especially in young people. If treatment doesn't work...well, to be blunt, I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to put my loved ones through that kind of thing.
The information hasn't completely sunk in yet, but, thus far, I think I'm doing OK. Getting any form of cancer has been one of my greatest fears and now...I have to face it. It isn't something I can run away from. All I know is I am incredibly stubborn, have a strong will to live, and a sense of humor that will only improve through this process.
One of the worst parts about this is how it's affecting my loved ones. Poor Aaron is exhausted, my mum has moments where I think she's going to break, and my dad,,,well, he just lost a sister to pancreatic cancer so I'm sure he has nothing but awful feelings.
The amount of love an support I've been getting is astounding. It's what's made me nearly lose it emotionally the most. I haven't told everyone in my life yet, but those who have been informed have been so amazing, I don't even have words for it. I guess there's nothing like a life-threatening illness to make you feel truly loved :P
I've started working on the whole medical leave of absence thing for school. Lauren has been an absolute rock star the past few days. Towards the beginning of the week, she contacted all the appropriate professors for me briefly explaining my hospitalization. She is definitely the type of person you want on your side. I emailed the dean who deals with this stuff and Lauren had already been down to her office to give her a heads up. It's astounding.
That's all I got for now. It's time for a shower and some bad TV.
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