Well, it's been over 2 weeks since I've written in my cactusflowerinbloom blog. The last entry there was the night my mom passed. I've had "stuff" to write about, just haven't felt up to it.
Had the final of four A/C chemo sessions last Wed. Today am finally feeling sort of normal, so when I'm through writing this I'm going to walk down to Starbuck's. Also do a little window-shopping in Kierland Common's. Who knows, maybe I'll stop in later and buy myself a nice new spring top or something, to help brighten the day.
The new development I'm referring to in my title is that on Fri. night I received a call from the medical director of the internal medicine center where I am the sr manager. It's typical for him to call me each week to see how I'm doing on chemo, etc., and for a while the two supervisors who report to me were giving me weekly reports as well. Then, last week, my direct supervisor, the executive director who is over many clinics associated with both the hospital and the medical group, mine one of them, finally returned my call.
Two parts:
-I had notified my direct supervisor via voice mail message that I was aware my job-protected Family Medical Leave was ending March 6. I also was prepared to return to work in a part-time fashion the following week (this coming week). I had already talked multiple times to the medical director about this and he seemed fine with it.
-Last week when my direct supervisor finally called me we didn't talk long, as she called me back not long after I'd gotten home from having chemo. I was already feeling somewhat fuzzy, and of course tired, so she didn't want to keep me on the phone. She wanted to impress upon me NOT to worry about job protection, that she had spoken to Harvey (the medical director, yes, he's a doctor but we're on a first name basis) and he agreed to hold my job open regardless. I reiterated to her, however, that I had a note from my oncologist indicating I could come back to work. She reiterated back to me that I should not worry about coming back till I was not dealing with side effects and felt better. Well, hmmm, now when would that be? I reminded her that next I start 12 weeks of targeted therapy that will be given via infusion each Friday. I would have to at least take each Friday off, and possibly each Monday. So, was my supervisor trying to tell me that I was not wanted back in a part-time function? She also told me HOW BAD IT WAS THERE with ALL THE HR ISSUES, and without acknowledging that I was aware of most of these, I indicated I understood. She also mentioned some issue or concern with the two practice supervisors (the two who report directly to me). The sr manager my boss had placed in my office was "largely superficial" according to Harvey, but my boss wanted to assure me she was taking care of the HR issues.
There have always been HR issues. This particular health care system I work for continues to reorganize, restructure, optimize, reduce expenses, roll out this and roll out that, and the players CONTINUE to change. From one personnel issue to another you NEVER have the same HR team. It has gotten worse since all outpatient clinics were absorbed by the medical group (which employs the doctors) Dec. 2012. So not only was my clinic still part of the hospital/health care center, but also now managed by a large medical group who had no idea what our residency/medical education clinics needed or were managed. And yet of course they wanted us to fit into their nice little round hole of an outpatient clinic model.
I wouldn't be far from the mark to say that my cancer diagnosis this past December may have in fact come as a result of all the additional stress I was under at work the past year and a half. In addition to everything else I was doing - hiking mountain trails, eating better, helping my folks get to and from appointments, etc., going through a chapter 13 bankruptcy, etc., etc., well, the stress took its toll.....
In any event, I ended the conversation with my boss on Wed. that I would call her when I was feeling better.
Cue forward to last Fri. night then when Harvey called me. He talked to me for almost an hour. I was not feeling well, he could hear it in my voice. I was so achey again from the Neulasta shot on Thurs. (to increase immunity building cells), that I had had to take to Percosets. Still, he felt it necessary to impress upon me how awful the HR issues have been. There was also another employee leaving, one of our long-term MAs, going to Cardiology at the end of the month. He said he wouldn't be surprised if there were more who would leave. Too much stress, not enough staff to do the work, and some obvious behavior issues and of course Heidi, my boss, had made the determination that one of the nurses HAS to go, and so has given that direction to the sitting duck manager in my office. In other words, Harvey's feeling is that I should not bother myself with coming in part-time right now till we know how the next treatment will make me feel, and I don't start that till the 21st. His feeling is that it would be more distracting than anything to have me back only to be going out again. Well, it's true, I will need to work part-time, but I know that the company is GOING TO HAVE TO ACCOMMODATE me in this request, so it probably means a DIFFERENT POSITION ALTOGETHER.
Harvey didn't say that, Heidi, my boss, didn't say that, but I'm saying that. So I'm prepared to tell them that this week. Probably tomorrow, after my eye doctor appointment. Have to see an opthalmologist to rule out serious eye problems that have developed (we think side effects of chemo) since starting chemo.
Why would I want a different position? Easy. Less stress. No people management for one thing. Yes, that's right. I'm done trying to supervise/manage people when this company's HR department does NOT let you fire anyone for anything. The one nurse my boss wants to get rid of? I tried to fire her over 2 years ago but my documentation wasn't good enough for HR and they tossed out the whole thing. So, I decided to make it work with this nurse, and largely we HAD made it work. Cue forward to me going on a medical leave of absence and all hell breaks loose with the staff, and without me there to even sort of manage the chaos, it's imploding.
So that decision is easy. I will NOT go back to that job. It doesn't sound like they want me in a part-time mode anyway, so fine. Find something else for me to do. I don't care anymore.
What else makes this decision easy for me is that I'm switching from chapter 13 to chapter 7 bankruptcy. All these additional medical bills and my reduced salary have made it impossible for me to pay my bills. Can't help it. Didn't ask for it, can't do anything but go forward.
Ok, so now that I've written all this it's time to go for my walk to Starbuck's. I need some fresh air and sunshine and I'm finally feeling more normal today, so here goes.......I'll be back to finish later....
Loading comments...