I’m not posting on here to get like comments or for people to read, I just like it instead of using word or notepad. If you want some back story, read my other posts.
So really though, the fuck just happened? Just ended my bender. Still coming to the realization that me and this girl were going strong for five days straight. No food, little hydration, but we did shower and take care of hygiene everyday pretty well so I guess we did not totally fuck up. Weighed myself this morning to see the damage. I literally lost fifteen pounds. In five days…
Sunday, I was only looking to do a little coke with some pals and be back to normal the next day. Instead me and girly did almost an entire eight-ball of very strong crystal meth. In five days with two people. I had never tried heroin. I have always wanted to though since it would be the last drug before i crossed every one of them off the list of what i have used. I thought just snorting a couple very small bumps would fulfill the proverbial dream. Last night, I not only shot up good doses of heroin, but was mixing known hot fentynal with the remaining meth we had and speed balled all night.
I have not been with a woman sexually for going onto 18 months. Between Sunday and this morning, we fucked three times i think? Well tried to anyway. The drugs were not on my team when it came to getting up. Fucking the heroin of all things was what finally made the dirty deed even possible. Because that makes a whole lot of sense.
I was apart of a rescue mission to pick up my girls friend who was getting beat around by the piece of shit she was staying with. Almost hit him with my car, among other things I will not mention, for fear of possible legal persecutions.
Fuck, I am still trying to remember what all has happened the last five days.
Do not get me wrong, this is not my first rodeo. I lived in Las Vegas at the age of nineteen with a fake idea and enough money to get myself into some seriously fun, disaster filled trouble. I have binged drugs for days on end too many times to count. I have been put it life or death situations. I have been robbed by drug dealers. I have done some awful shit myself. So yeah, almost nothing about Sunday through today is new to me or a surprise. The only difference was I was with a breath takingly beautiful girl who is super into me.
I have a lot i need to process and unpack from what all has gone down. Between coming down on everything i have done and the new emotions I am feeling for this new girl in my life and the straight strain on my body from not eating and being up this long, there is a lot racing around in my head to say the least.
But you know what, as of right now, every single fucking day was a blast and I would not change anything that happened.
Moving along from that though, yeah I have defiantly fallen for this girl now. At first I was thinking maybe it would fade. But no, these are not going anywhere anytime soon, and neither will she. ( side note, i do not really plan on reading the comments this post will get, but for everyone who wants to rant and bitch and moan about how terrible i am and all that shit, i am going to be completely honest with you: I literally could not give two shits. mind your damn business and quit interjecting your boring ass opinion into peoples lives. I will do me, you just do you and we just might make it through this bitch. Ok diatribe over, back to writing.) The way I feel when I am with her is indescribable. I love it. Call it honeymoon phase or puppy love, whatever its cool now so that is all that matters to me. From an outsiders perspective, we are probably pretty toxic for each other. That is probably true if I am being completely honest. But you know what, I really do not care. She is a freaking amazing girl. Yeah she has a lot of problems. So what? That means she is not allowed to find love? I am loving her where she is at in life. I do not personally see the issue. If it does not work out, such is life. Who knows who this story can turn out. Who cares which odds are stacked more in which favor.
So I guess we will see what happens. Hope for the best right?
(side note, this is not an unconscious cry for help. I am not losing my minds stability. I am just simply expressing emotions and experiences I am currently immersed in, while still pretty fried. So if non of this made any since, you know why. Later all.
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