Chapter Two in Caramel Ice Cream

Chapter Two
October 27th, 2017
Halloween is four days away. The last time I dressed up as something for Halloween was 2011. After that, my family was too poor to buy something as luxurious as a costume. Most people take costumes for granted, as I did so many years ago, but who can blame them? You never know how much you need something until you don’t have it. I learned that the hard way. Through my earlier years I attempted to still make a makeshift costume, such as wearing a blanket and (poof) I was a ghost. That ended when I lost the blanket at school, so I had to sleep cold. That was my only blanket.
I’m thinking this year I’ll dress up. Not anything fancy, but I think it would be nice to try to make the real world my own not-imaginary bubble world. I still don’t know what I’ll wear. Every penny counts in my piggy bank, but I think it would be better for me and my PTSD to treat myself. Even if it means I go hungry once or twice. Some ideas I have for costumes: someone sane, a blanket-ghost, and a sexy cat costume. Just kidding. I have no ideas.
Today I packed myself a browning banana and some cheez-its. My secret stash was running out. Note to self - run to supermarket after school. Buy some necessities, I told myself. Then I laughed. Like I could afford necessities. Lots of people think the only necessities a human needs are food, water, and shelter. But they’re wrong. Humans crave so much more, and that craving soon feels like a necessity. They need blankets and ice cream and a television… or at least they think they do. That’s the ironic complexity of the human brain. It tricks our bodies into craving something just to satisfy its own selfish desires.
In Calculus I got a 96% on a test. I silently scolded myself, because the problems I had missed were just because of my idle brain. I laughed out loud as I wondered what it would be like to come home to parents who would praise me for something like that. I abruptly stopped, however, because I realized that wishing doesn’t do anything. There’s no such thing as wishes. I made them all the time as a child and even now, but they never come true. My dad’s still a drunk, my mom still has another family that she likes better than her own firstborn daughter, and June 12th, 2012 still happened.
On my way to the grocery store, I passed a fancy sports car that’s license plate read “I<3MONEY” and I thought to myself, “Speak for yourself.” I picked out a couple apples, some bread, a jar of peanut butter, milk, and some turkey meat. I counted my dollar bills to see if I had enough, and I had just enough. As I got up to the cash register, the cashier, disinterested, said “Anything else for you?”
“No, thank you. This is all.”
He scanned my items and I handed him my cash. He looked through it, and boredly looked up and said “This is only $37. The total was $37.80.” I started freaking out. I was sure I counted right! I had enough! Then it hit me; I forgot tax. Fucking tax.
“Shit,” I muttered underneath my breath. “I probably have some cash in here somewhere.” I said as I rifled through my purse. I found some spare coins and shoved them forward on the counter.
“It’s still only $37.28.”
I was left with no choice. “Can I take something off?”
“Yeah, whatever.” The dude said.
Close to tears, I took off the peanut butter. Too many carbs, anyway, I told myself. Not that I needed to lose any more weight. Looks like I’ll be eating plain old bread and turkey for lunch nowadays. A line was starting to form behind me, and it didn’t seem like people were very happy. I could also tell the cashier was starting to get pissed off. I hastily grabbed my change and grocery bag and I was off.