My facebook status currently says, "Being a working Mom is the hardest thing I have ever done." And, I absolutely think that is true. It has been a really tough 3 days back to work. I cried a few times on Sunday, a few times on Monday morning, but then I was sort of Ok once I got to work. I mean I missed her a ton but it was nice to see people and I had 2,300 emails to go through. I also cleaned off my entire desk and threw a bunch of stuff away. That kept me busy for the entire day. Sal and Piper came to visit me for lunch which was amazing. I got to eat with them and snuggle my bug for a little bit.
Tuesday was harder. For some reason, the newness of working went away and I just really missed her all day. They did come for lunch again which was nice. Today, was super hard. I had a rough night last night. I am feeling guilty that I am missing so much of her life. I HATE that I am away from her for 10 hours a day and I can tell she is affected by it. She just wants to snuggle and nurse when I get home. I know she misses me and I HATE it. She doesnt understand why Mommy has to leave her to work. I cried A LOT last night and was feeling super guilty about attempting to be a Mom and work. I just want to snuggle her when I get home but I feel like the dishes need to be done and the house is an absolute mess. She wants to snuggle too because she misses me. And, she didnt nap for Sal at all yesterday so she was a mess. We went to sleep together at around 11:30 and I did what I said I wouldnt do as a Mom. I had her sleep in my bed with me. She was a mess and i was a mess and we needed each other. Im upset with myself for doing it. She literally scooted right over to me and our faces were practically touching and she had her hand on my chest and she fell right to sleep and slept the entire night. She got up at 7 to eat. Im mad at myself for doing it but I think we both needed it.
Today was another super rough night. Since she had gone 8 hours without eating she was hungry again around 8 when I had to leave for work. She was crying and wanted to nurse but I did not have time. I had to hand my screaming, crying, baby that just wanted her Mommy over to Sal and leave. I cried the whole way to work. I called when I got there and she had eaten and they were napping a little bit. But that was her only nap until about 3 this afternoon where she sort of napped for an hour or so. Poor Sal got home from work at 5:30 and got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. He is in a rough place with learning to be a Daddy and trying to get a little bit of sleep. I feel awful for him. I HOPE Piper gets used to being with him during the day and starts to take good naps. I got home at 6 and she nursed right away (for comfort because he had just fed her a bottle like 1/2 hour before) and fell asleep. She slept on me for a bit and then I put her in the ergo carrier and she slept again for a bit. She woke up around 8:45 hungry and I changed her and put her jammies on and read her stories while I fed her and she is currently in her bed with the noise machine on. She doesnt like being by herself and she doesnt sleep all that well. She has already woken up 4 times in the hour or so she has been in there. I cannot have a co-sleeping baby. The dogs sleep in the bed and its just not safe. I cried so much today and missed my little snuggle bug.
I am off to shower and then go to sleeeeep. I am exhausted. And, I wish I didnt have to work.....
Loading comments...