my title ran away.. in Tales of being me.

I've been very apathetic this week. I haven't wanted to write at all really. I'm feeling frustrated today. at myself mainly. at the world a little. I had a dream last night about my best guy friend. We were in a hotel room in Cuba and we were cuddling. It was weird. I woke up emotional. He's a great guy. I love him to pieces. I wish I could love him in the way that he wants, but I'm not the girl he's looking for, and he's not the guy i'm looking for. I dreamt about him because I feel guilty. See a couple years ago he started dating this girl, and he got attached really fast, even though we all told him not to, because she had kids with someone else and they have pretty much just broken up.... but you can't fight the feelings and they stayed together for a year or so, and than she broke up with him, and the whole thing was really shitty for a long time. During the time they were together, we all of course got really attached to her as well..(we being all the girly friends of said best guy friend) and we didn't really see it coming either.. so it all together sucked. we've stayed in contact with her, and I think that it upsets him.. and of course I feel guilty.. but her and I, we have a connection too. I really understand that she loved him, but it wasn't meant to be.. She's back with the father of her kids and they are happy and together as a family. I really like her as a person and I know she had a hard time with the break up too, but I really think it was for the best. My friend is also with another girl and she's great too, I think she's everything that he's looking for. I really like her too, she's a lot better suited for him, than his ex was. I just I don't know .. I feel like he thinks I've betrayed him, even though he's never said anything. We still remain close, but not as close as we once were since he is in this new relationships, but a lot of that has to do with our schedules too. I hate that I just over analyze everything. I need to get to work soon, I need something to focus on. I'm to emotional to start thinking about this. I haven't replied to my facebook messages in days, I'm avoiding. ugh. I had hoped this was something that would disappear along with the other things I'm getting a handle on. but not so much. I knew it couldn't be that easy though. Something else is bothering me today. I don't really want to talk about it, I'm just not sure what to do..It's a situation I've gotten myself into. a weird relationship... I'm just not sure how I feel about it.. Everything is just changing, so fast and so slow at the same time.