The weight... in ...from the ashes.
- Jan. 12, 2020, 5:59 a.m.
- |
- Public
Emphysema.
Asbestosis.
Parkinsons.
Lung cancer.
The loss of a great friend.
Last year is gone, it’s taken a lot out of me. I feel more hollow than I have any other time of my life. Dad is a shell of the man I grew up admiring, I still admire him, love him, but these past 7 years have worn down on him and it’s destroyed my hope, what little faith was left.
Garry, someone pivotal in my life, 20 fucking tumors in his brain, gone in a few months. What kills me is I hadn’t talked to him in a few years. Then boom, this. Gone. Someone I rode with and lived with and loved like a brother. I can’t deal with that loss. I stare out at the stars as I smoke pipe tobacco hoping he’s somewhere grand and there is more to this life after where gone, knowing there isn’t. God I miss him. It’s brought an emptiness to my heart I never felt before. I can’t talk to Aimee about this, there is so much darkness, I just feel like I’ve given up.
I miss riding, this place, Halifax, isn’t anything like the area’s around Brisbane. Even that memory isn’t a thing anymore. Australia is burning and all I can do is hope family stay’s safe. They are so far, thankfully.
It’s funny, most new years I have a goal. This year, just get through it, don’t give up. Don’t give in. By give in I mean, just lose all hope and forward thinking. This bastard dark spiral is sitting so heavy on my shoulders this year and I can’t shrug it. Music is a massive trigger lately too.
Anyway, 2am, should get to bed. The wife has been battling a cold and bad cough, hopefully she’s asleep and I can finally get some semblance of a full uninterrupted sleep. Funnily, nothing to do with her being sick, more the cat, and my body wanting to wake me every 3 hours or so for some reason. Here’s hoping 3 decent drams of single malt can curb it.
Footnote: This post was actually from last year, apparently I never hit publish. I need to click that button more often.
Deleted user ⋅ January 12, 2020
What single malt are you drinking?
I like highland park the most right now
Dark Apostle Deleted user ⋅ January 12, 2020
Ironically, Highland Park Valkyrie right now.
Normally I've taken to Tomatin of late, I'd prefer to be drinking Taliskar Dark Storm, but that's only a duty free thing apparently, and also way above what I can afford on a regular basis.
Deleted user Dark Apostle ⋅ January 12, 2020
No way! I just finished the Valknut!
How good is it?
I ordered into Australia and the taxes were crazy expensive, I won't be doing it again in a hurry
Dark Apostle Deleted user ⋅ January 13, 2020
Like licorice, and chocolate, and all the warmth of a single malt. Not as peaty or spicy as Dark Storm, but still damn fine.
Yeah I don't want to imagine what the damage for Single Malts would be down there now :(
Deleted user Dark Apostle ⋅ January 13, 2020
The bottle was €70 and it was about $200 in import taxes, I didn't think it would be that much when I ticked the box
A Pedestrian Wandering ⋅ January 12, 2020
The thing about loss is that the experiences you had with the people that are gone, there's no one to talk about those things any more. It's like whole sections of memories leave with them. "Remember that time we..."
But the memories we have of those we lost become purer over time, they become unshakable, perfect. I like to think we will know them again, not as their corrupted bodies, but the pure spirit they always were/are.
Dark Apostle A Pedestrian Wandering ⋅ January 12, 2020
Thank you.
One memory that will always sum up time with that man was one day riding over the top of Wivenhoe dam, outside of Brisbane, and an Eagle hits a thermal right over the top of my mate, maybe 50m above his head, something serene about that.
A Pedestrian Wandering Dark Apostle ⋅ January 12, 2020
I think this is a good place to remember those things. Sorry for your loss.
Canadian Lass ⋅ January 13, 2020
hugs Wish you didn't feel you can't talk to me.