We were driving somewhere together and I said something I probably shouldn’t have said. I don’t even remember what it was, but I do recall thinking that I probably shouldn’t have said that. We were still somewhat new to the award-and-punishment part of our dom/sub relationship, but after a pause my wife said to me, “I need to punish you for saying that.”
I had plans a couple days later to do something with a friend. It was something we’d been planning and looking forward to for a while and my wife certainly knew what a big deal it was to me. I remember she started giving me the punishment almost like she was thinking out loud, “I want to ground you as punishment. I want to keep you in the house for a period of time.” A pause, and then, “I’m going to ground you on Saturday. You’re not allowed to go out with your friend. That’s your punishment.”
I admit it was not what I was expecting and I was kind of stunned. This was a big deal, not being able to do the thing with my friend. I almost wanted to cry right there in the car, which I suppose is the sign of an effective punishment.
She noticed my silence and the fact that I was unhappy and she told me that I had to agree that it was a punishment that I deserved for what I had said. I didn’t say anything but I knew what she said was correct. She told me she wasn’t going to deal with me having an attitude for the rest of the night. She said she wanted to hear me say I agreed that I deserved the punishment. I nodded slightly.
She reminded me that she wanted me to say it out loud, so I said, “I deserve the punishment you gave me.” And it was almost like saying it reinforced in me that it really was true. And quickly I accepted it and my attitude changed.
We had a normal night together. On the drive home I asked if I was only grounded on Saturday or if I was grounded for a period of time. She thought about it as if the idea had never occurred to her. Then she said, “I don’t think you have anything else planned, so grounding you for the other days seems meaningless.”
I was hesitant to say what I was thinking because I knew I was essentially suggesting my own punishment, but I said it anyway. I told her that when I was a kid, the term “grounding” had a specific predetermined meaning from my mother that actually encompassed a whole list of punishments. I often felt like it was a lazy way for her to punish me because all she had to do was say, “You’re grounded,” and I instantly knew what exactly that entailed.
She was smiling, and she told me she liked that idea. As I knew she would. She suggested we come up with a list of what “grounding” would mean for us.
We brainstormed a bit and came up with a bunch of ideas. It was a little awkward for me because I knew everything I said was actually going to happen, so I was literally choosing my own punishment. For example, she suggested that I have a 10:00 bedtime while grounded and I responded by saying that was about the time I normally went to bed so it ought to be earlier.
Once we had agreed on what “grounding” meant for us, she told me that I was grounded for a week, starting the following day. And, as predicted, grounding became a very normal punishment that she could easily assign to me at random times whenever I did something I wasn’t supposed to.
At first, it was always one week. Then after a while she would sometimes make it two weeks if she was being extra strict. I think we’d been doing it for a couple years before the first time she told me I was grounded for a month. After a while, being grounded for a month started to be normal, and I was almost never grounded for less than that.
It started happening that while I was grounded for a month, I’d do something else that deserved a grounding so she would add another month, and soon it felt like I was always grounded.
She clearly noticed this too, and a while back she asked me if we should reconsider the grounding thing. I agreed and told her that it felt like all the rules of grounding had become permanent and no longer seemed like a punishment. She felt the same way and we decided to make that the case. So technically I am now permanently grounded.
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