written 9/23/1999
(By the way, today is thursday. I gained 300 grams since the beginning of this diary. So that was a lot of help. i go to the gym more, though.)
On friday night we tried to make out. this was a very big issue since we haven’t done anything sexual in a week. Because i don’t feel like it, and now I feel guilty. And feeling guilty makes me feel even less like having sex. But because we were in the Asparagus’ bed (he and Odie share a room and Odie gets it when I’m there. i don’t know where asparagus sleeps when i’m there), we felt naughty and really got into it. But then I was bitten by about 5 mosquitos in 2 minutes, and suddenly everything became a lot less fun. I tried to keep going while scratching one foot with the other, but every time Odie touched me tenderly, my nerves reacted and i felt the itches 8 times worse. I tried to go on but you can imagine how sexy i was. Eventually we stopped, and then Odie HAD to mention that "an old wise man once said that a woman who leaves her man wanting is the most inferior woman there is". He said it jokingly, of course, but it made me mad. something about the word "inferior" enraged me, more than if he’d said "mean", "pathetic", "asexual".
Odie is always saying such nice things about me, it’s horrible that I would remember the one not-so-nice remark he made the whole day. He keeps telling me how beautiful and sexy I am, to the point where I find it hard to believe it. He finds certain aspects of me sexy that I always try to conceal from other people. Like my paleness (he calls me the ice princess, and himself "the farmboy who fell in love with the ice princess"), or the way he runds his hands over my legs when I haven’t shaved them for a day and says "my prickly darling". I love the way I feel next to him, like all the attention is on me and I could never do anything so seriously wrong it would make him stop loving me.
I always wonder, though, if he didn’t just decide to fall in love, and didn’t really care with who. (But then again, I decided to fall in love, and i’m not sure it’s working).
So what was so irritating about that comment? Aside that it made me feel more guilty than I was already feeling, it was the reference to the wise man from china. He didn’t say "an old wise man said" meaning "there’s a saying". he actually told me the whole story on the man, who turned out to be a character in his D&D adventures. Does anyone understand why this makes me so mad?
It’s because he tries to base an argument on the fact that someone else, supposedly a wiser person than him, also supports this argument. But this wiser man than his is a figment of his own imagination!(Duh) Which means he is supporting his own argument by quoting himself!!!! Why doesn’t he just say "me and Odie think you should have sex with me more often". Instead he describes this whole fabricated culture, with this fake knight in shining armour, who went through millions of imagined adventura and faced virtual death so many times, that now he is certified to say, that I definately should have sex more often. He only tells me that this guy is imaginary at the end of the story (not that I don’t know this by now. He also likes to tell me plot lines of movies, and only then reveal that they’re in his head. Not even written yet).
Anyway, i feel like I’m wasting my powers of argument discrediting fake scientists. It feels pretty dumb. It’s like people who quote fake statistics. What do you wanna acheive by that?
(At this point i feel obligated to say that i LIKE imagination. I started going out with Odie because of his "Rich inner world", and god knows I have my own stock of imaginary characters, and I’m perfectly happy to hear about Odie’s. I just want to know when I’m getting something fake and when I’m getting something real. I bet wnyone reading ’open diary’ knows what I mean about the difference between fake and real. otherwise we’d be reading fiction).
I think I’ll stop writing about the weekend, because it’s reaslly starting to fade from my mind and because it might take me until next weekend. Tomorrow I’ll write about today. (Or just random thoughts).
I hpe I’ll have some good weight news by then too.
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