It’s hard to decide where to go next. I want to write somewhat chronologically, but since there were many things happening simultaneously and for varying durations, it’s hard to really do that.
I was 21 when I met the woman that would eventually be my wife. I was embarrassed about my level of sexual inexperience at the time and didn’t admit to her I was a virgin. In contrast, I was very intrigued by how experienced she was. She was a year younger than me, but was openly bisexual and said she had just ended a relationship with a woman.
I spend a lot of energy at the beginning trying to give the impression I was experienced too. I’m not sure she ever really figured out the truth. I know she had no idea I was losing my virginity the first time we had sex.
I stopped wearing panties when we first met because I didn’t want her to know that side of me. We had a very boring vanilla sex life at the beginning, even though I knew she had a very dirty side. When I think of our relationship now it’s sometimes hard to imagine there was a time when we were very normal sexually.
Something eventually was going to change, and it started when she quit her corporate office job and began looking for new employment. I noticed all her job searches seemed to be focused on LGBT-related things. I was super embarrassed about this. I remember thinking it would be extremely awkward to have to tell people what my girlfriend did for a living if anyone asked.
A bit to my embarrassment, she got hired working for an organization that worked to prevent domestic abuse in specifically in LGBT relationships. But looking back I think this was a turning point in our relationship because it got us talking about non-vanilla things in our sex life. Her organization passed out these gay rainbow ribbons with an extra wide purple stripe that I guess were suppose to indicate awareness of LGBT domestic violence, and it was awkward for me to be in a relationship with someone that seemed to be proudly waving a rainbow flag.
One evening she casually mentioned that a certain Asian woman she worked with was very pretty, and I broke our code of silence about anything even borderline kinky. I asked, “Do you mean she’s just pretty in general? Or you find her attractive?”
This lead to a bit of a lifestyle change for us. From that day forward, we talked all the time about women we found attractive. It feels like we were objectifying women, but I’d rather see it as us comparing our tastes.
And then this started a theme in a our relationship that lasted for many years. She would regularly express disappointment that I was not attracted to men so we could share the same sort of thing in reverse.
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