Control in Thoughts

I try so hard to stay in control…of my life, my body, my mind, my breath. My shoulders are always tense, heavy with the weight of it.
It feels so good to let go when I am with you. To forget all of the things I should be, should do, should feel.
I crave those moments. When all I am thinking about is how hard and soft your cock can be, all at once. When I can run my tongue across its smooth head, trace the ridges and veins. I yearn for those seconds when you push yourself deep into my mouth, my gag reflex kicking in, but your hands in my hair keep my face pressed against you. I cannot breathe, and I wonder, briefly, if I can free myself. But I do not fear your strength.
It is in those moments, and the others- when my body is pinned between you and whatever you have me pressed against- that I drop most pretense of control. I let you touch me, contort me, fuck me. Your grunts in my ear and our bodies clapping together drown out the Shoulds usually screaming in my head.
I find comfort in your strength and long for those moments when your weight is on top of me, trapping me. A very willing captive.
There is freedom in knowing that I can’t get away. I become weightless when you are in control of my strings. But, I can be more than a puppet.
I can be whatever you want me to be.