I. Hate. Christmas.
And, no I don’t hate Christmas to be edgy and stoic! I legitimately just don’t like the holiday. The music is overly cheery, people are fake, and it’s expensive! It puts me in a bad mood every year and I dread it’s approach. I think the last time I got excited for it was in middle school.
You see, I grew up in a “broken family”, some would call it. My parents are divorced and have been since I was a baby. I have no memories of them being together. What I do remember is them being polar opposites of each other. The had different beliefs, standards of living, and familial values. As a result, to make sure I didn’t get in trouble, this meant splitting my personality in two (I don’t have DID, it’s just an expression).
When I was with my mother, I could be lax and relate-able, but at the same time I was expected to be studious and mature beyond my years. Any failure to do so resulted in punishment. My mom was young when she had me too (22), so she had a tendency to lash out when she was stressed. In those times, I just stayed away from her as much as possible and tried not to fuck up.
When I was with my father, I was the princess and I’ll admit I was spoiled rotten. However being a princess, meant acting like one. I was to dress a certain way, be up and ready by a certain time- regardless of if we had plans-, and I had to act with the manners of a princess. Legs crossed when I sat, spine straight and shoulders back as I walked, table etiquette reinforced at every meal, soft spoken, educated in an art. But if I acted out of line I wasn’t punished. Oh no, I was judged, ridiculed, lectured, and re-trained until I started acting properly.
So Christmas was never the same year to year. I was either in an itchy dress, trying my best not to scratch and be a princess, or I was hiding in my room playing with my new presents and watching movies for the entire day.
Christmas is nothing but bad memories for me. So call me the Grinch- I don’t care.
This year I will be watching movies and enjoying the home cooked food and buckets of popcorn.
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