Needy in Emotional

I just want to feel utterly desired by someone…someone who wants to show me off, who says, “I miss you” first, gets me flowers and does things unexpectedly because they were just thinking about me..I want to be someone’s “go-to”. I want to be the first person someone wants to tell about how they didn’t get their promotion or that their dog finally learned how to roll over. I do so much for people and I have yet to find someone who does the same for me– relationship wise and friendship wise. The guy I used to see really fucked me up. Because he was constantly hooking up with other girls in a city where he lives that’s filled with the most beautiful girls, it’s made me the most insecure person ever. When I was with him I constantly felt like I had to always be on my A-game. Now when I talk to other guys, I feel like I have so much competition and that the other girls they look at are prettier than me. I can be really confident but sometimes I’m really not. I’m not the skinniest but I’m in pretty good shape. Like I’m not afraid to be myself around someone unless they’ve given me reason to believe that I may not be the best to them and that they have other options. No matter how hard I try, I can never be 100% confident with myself. I know I shouldn’t base my happiness off of someone else’s but when someone has made me feel shitty for 2 years, and someone comes in who takes my mind off of it and can make me laugh and feel happiness, it’s hard not to. You want to be around that person all the time. I have breakdowns literally throughout the day. Once there’s some kind of trigger, well, I’m triggered and feel insecure or feel longing.