As a kid, I took “special vitamins” to make sure that I’m not getting too sensitive. “Why are you crying? Did you take your vitamins today? Go take your vitamins!” And the bullying and teasing by classmates whenever I started to shed a tear. My fear of sharing feelings with others is a learned response to the fear of being ridiculed, rejected, and invalidated. I learned very quickly to be ashamed of myself for who I am. I became anxious and shy and scared to even talk to people. I developed a severe distrust of others.
I am still ashamed of myself. Things are looking up, but there’s still work to be done. I have to learn to take pride in my feelings. If I’m proud of my feelings, then that means I’m finally proud of who I am.
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