My name is Sapphire, but you can call me Sapphie.
I am made out of love, trust, and the desire to support and protect my loved ones… The ones I have Chosen as part of my beautiful, magical team to face life with. I was born from darkness,, despair, hopelessness, and loneliness. My one goal in life is to spread Light and find the places where kindness and love can be real and can really make a difference. Before I became myself, the thing that helped me cope with my endless misery was living life as if it were a fairy tale, and everything was lived through and regarded with my imagination. I felt so disconnected from the “real world” and my own body, to be honest. I always felt most whole and most courageous within my dreams, where my too-big feelings united to protect myself, my family, my friends, and my peers in my dreams… My whole life I wished so desperately and passionately that magic was real so that I could transform into that person I felt I was only within my dreams. I worked very hard to become that person who could feel happiness the emotion and who loved so much and so fearlessly.
But I felt her become a real and dominant part of me after 24 years of living on this earth, at the beginning of 2018. I named her, and practiced being her for about five months on a chat site that I will call the Cesspool… and finally I have fully succeeded in COMPLETELY becoming her. Sapphie. I have translated her into the real world. I feel so lucky, grateful, and thankful… It was not just ONE thing or ONE person that helped me to evolve- it was lots and lots of things and people… some family, all my True Friends! Words cannot portray how much they mean to me; what a difference they were making in my life and to my psyche without even realizing it- just by letting me be a true friend to them. I have even truly and completely fallen in love!!! It’s an amazing, amazing thing… unbelievable. It really does feel like True, TRUE magic… I thought a love that heals only existed in fairy tales… It was something like magic and though I’ve clung to believing in magic stubbornly for a long, long time- all my life… I feel like I was on the verge of feeling forced to admit that magic must not be real. Because that’s what the world and my loveless (family, friend, and romantic love all) life seemed to be proving. over and over and over again…
But with this new self… When I became my new self… I could finally feel such a deep, pure, true unconditional love for my family and for my friends I Chose. I was dedicated, and loyal, and protective. I was always giving thoughts, feelings, and opinions and advice in my fairy tale/philosophical way, but only hoping that I could plan a seed of Hope within my Loved Ones that might eventually lead them to true happiness. I was so dedicated, and loyal, and overly passionate in my affections. I made sure to do my very, very best to make sure that my friends understood that they are unique and amazing and did deserve to be safe, healthy, content, happy… and truly loved. Some people didn’t understand me, but I made them understand. Some friends tried to push me away, but I loved them through it and they knew I could and would always be waiting for them to get over themselves and their egos and come around. And relax and have fun with me and let me care about them and hope for good things for them… and hope for and try to help them to defeat their demons. Of course, that’s only part of being a good friend and showing people you care about them. There are lots of amazingly fun memories of good times with my Chosen friends, along with everything else. Silliness, and simple but sweet memories, big and small. Making memories of all kinds, and even going through trials and overcoming obstacles.
Then, something like a miracle happened. Perhaps the first Godsent miracle in my life: All my efforts, dedication, weary determination and fight for courage won. Everything paid off in the form of love finally existing in my reality. My friends actually loved me back. I could finally see my mother, grandmother, brother, daughter, and daughter’s father all actually cared about me. And then something that is literal magic of this world suddenly happened to me: I fell in love Truly. True, romantic, Unconditional Love. My boyfriend, Zeihl. My team mate in this thing we call life.
(to be continued)
XxSapphiexX
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