Advice Needed. in Hello 👋🏽
- July 29, 2018, 9:24 a.m.
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- Public
My boyfriend and I want to move in already.
I’m almost 20 and it’s as if my parents don’t realize that, but that’s a different story for another day.
We want to sit my parents down and tell them that we’re moving in together. The problem is I’m 80% sure they won’t allow it. I just need them to let me live my life. I want to leave the house already but I want it to be done the right way. I just don’t know the right words to say. I don’t know what to tell them.
My parents are very old fashioned Hispanics. I must have their blessing to do anything, and till this day I’ve never gotten their blessing for anything.
They’re extremely strict on me (although they never, ever, were with my sisters) and never let me go out.
I’ve talked to them about my being able to go out plenty of times, and so have my sisters. They refuse. I CAN’T EVEN GET A JOB!
I’ve just had enough with living here. I’ve had enough of being treated like I’m not allowed to adult.
Please, someone give me advise as to what I should say. Or, if you have something else in mind as to what I should do in terms of me leaving my house.
Thank you.
Last updated July 29, 2018
moving_on ⋅ July 29, 2018
How much do your parents support you financially? If the answer to that is any more than 50%, you are not yet ready to move.
If you move out will the financial support drop to 0%? If the answer is yes, moving is a bad thing to do.
How much support can you provide for yourself financially and will you have enough money in your budget to sustain yourself (rent, phone, internet, food, travel, mains/power/water/etc) without your boyfriend? If you can’t do it without him or your parents, it likely isn’t a good move.
Can your relationship last if you have to remain with your parents for awhile? If not, it wasn’t a good relationship.
My advice is to do what you must to obtain a job. Save save save. Save as much of your money as possible. Get into a situation where you can live alone for half a year to a year. You want to invite him over or invite men over that’s fine, but learn to live and budget alone. Get a cat or a dog or both. Get a taste of this world. Then, build from there.
Chances are against you. Your parents will likely support you no matter what you do or what mistakes you may make. Your boyfriend, hard to say. The biggest thing is you must support yourself. And you can do it, trust me. I’ve been doing it for 18 years and I haven’t had a minute of college or any formal training in anything.
Deleted user moving_on ⋅ July 29, 2018
I agree with all of the above. Be able to support yourself and live independently first. This way if shit hits the fan you'll still be able to stand on your own.
moving_on Deleted user ⋅ July 29, 2018
Great minds
Juliet moving_on ⋅ July 29, 2018
I have my fair share of money saved up. Ranging from what I’ve gotten from birthdays, Christmas’s, etc. I’ve tried to get a job since I was 16 and the problem is that till this day my parents won’t let me get one. I’ve argued with them about getting a job but it’s done nothing but make the situation worse. I’ve applied to jobs and I’ve gotten hired but as soon as my parents found out they’d force me to call and say that I can’t do the job after-all. Everything you guys are suggesting is something I’ve thought of doing so many times but it’s easier said than done when I’m barely allowed to walk around the corner on my own. My boyfriend is the only one who actually supports me on doing what I want to do. We’ve been wanting to move in together for months. He owns a restaurant so he’s doing great when it comes to financial stability. He doesn’t want me to worry about anything when we move in together other than keeping the place tidy but if I want to get a job than that’s fine too, “whatever my princess wants” is what he says. He’s my best friend and I know for a fact that we’d be perfectly fine living together. As for friends, I have one and she goes away for college. It’s hard keeping friends when you can’t really hangout with them. She’s the only one who hasn’t gotten tired of coming over my house to hangout when she’s in town. Other than her, there’s my boyfriend/best friend. Of course he doesn’t mind if I continue staying with my parents, but I don’t want to continue being with them.
moving_on Juliet ⋅ July 29, 2018
Why wouldn’t your parents want you to work/obtain income? Lots of missing information and context, I feel.
Juliet moving_on ⋅ July 30, 2018
If I knew the answer to that I would’ve figured out a way to resolve the issue. They’ve never let me do much of anything. They wouldn’t even let me go to the college of my choice. I’ve gotten scholarships but those meant nothing to my parents. They only wanted me to go to the college that’s in my hometown (which is 5 minutes away from my house). I’m not sure why they wouldn’t want to to work, any other parent would want their child to work if they could. I’ve asked multiple times and it’s always “because we said so”. Sometimes i feel that, because I’m the youngest, they’re more stricter with me. They always want me at home, even when they aren’t at home themselves. I talked to my sisters and they said that my parents were never like that with them. They had all the freedom they wanted as long as they did their chores. I honestly don’t understand why they’re like that.
moving_on Juliet ⋅ July 30, 2018
Then I think it’s time to have the conversation and not walk away without a definitive answer. I have put myself in your parents’ shoes a few dozen times since this conversation began. I can’t come up with a reason as to why my able-bodied and sound minded 19-year-old daughter can’t go obtain gainful employment and become financially independent.