What you do for love in Hello 👋🏽

When it comes to “loving” someone, one might forgive all the harm the other has done to them although they know it will happen again. And it could happen in any kind of relationship. I’ve come to realize that I’ve always been that type of person, the forgiving one, because that’s all I’ve done in my past relationships and I believe that I will continue to do so even though I shouldn’t.
I use to be in an abusive relationship with my ex. When I say abusive, I mean every aspect of it: emotional, physical and mental. I don’t believe that he was a horrible person and don’t hate him. The problem was that he always took any ounce of anger that he had put on me - and he was always angry. He was the sweetest person ever with his family and then he flicked the switch when we were alone. I always forgave him though. I always made excuses for the things he did. I always blamed myself. Maybe I wasn’t good enough, maybe I was making him angry, maybe I was doing something wrong. Until one day I had enough. I left him and I told myself that I would never fall that low for a man ever again. Well, I feel like I might just be wrong about that. In my current relationship everything is good, great even. We bicker here and there, but what couple doesn’t? So I’m not worried about him doing any harm to me, or hurting me intentionally. But, I know myself, and I already feel like if he did, I’d forgive him. I might even make excuses for him as well or just myself like before. I feel like I’d fall that low again.. for him. Since the day I broke up with my ex, I realized all the reasons as to how wrong I was to continue to stay with him. I realized I was hurting myself in doing that. So why would I put myself through that again? Is because I’m use to it? Why would I let myself believe that any reason for a man to be abusive towards me could be a valid excuse for him to do so?
I wish so much that I wasn’t that way but, I guess that I am. I’m not accepting it, there’s no way that I could. I can’t let myself live through that again but I know, deep down, that if it ever did happen I’d let myself live through it. And it’s a horrible thought. I’m really happy with the person that I’m with, I know he’d never hurt me. But, the thought of it just seems so real. I feel myself already forgiving him for something that might never even happened.