flash backs, venting in A New Journey

SO much has been going on and its all at the same time, my last entry I mentioned about the letters I had to write to Court and to my ex parole hearing. Well lots of things happened. My step son Mom and I have been communicating almost every day for the last month on regards to the upcoming trial on the guy who shot my step son. I will call his mom Mae, She has been so distraught that even our ex husband has been writing and threatening us about the issues of his ashes of where he should be spread or buried.

First of all, his father was never around, as he was never around my boys as well, we both don’t feel he as any rights to anything about JJ, or even a say to where his ashes should be spread, he didn’t pay one cent to his funeral or even pay any child support or even give him any support when he had Testicular cancer a year before he was murdered or even made phone call during his child years, last time he spoke to JJ was when he was 9 years old, at that time he was always drunk at that time. The last time he spoke to my boys was when they were 4 and 8 years old. So why now, I know he is grieving for his son, and he needs a closure, but we are the ones that had to deal with all our boys every day life and we had to be the mom and dad, we never once saw I always tell every one ” A PRETTY COPPER PENNY FROM HIM” . We never saw any of our child support from him. OH let me say this, my ex husband owes me a total of $113,338.80 of child support. SO we will fight back and do what we feel is right. HE made choices of breaking every law to be put in prison and he wants his rights. I get so angry over this, I am grieving too, I may not show it but, once I hit my bed I cry for Mae and I have been having night mares/flashbacks. Why am I allowing him to WIN this battles!!

SO I will be going to Denver next weekend to spend the weekend with my mom for her Birthday and also do an early Mother’s Day with her as I have to fly to New Mexico on Sunday Night to meet with Mae for us to ask the judge to give Danian a stiff sentence as we have 4 hours to share how we feel. I will be there to support Mae and her whole family. I feel this will be a way to allow me to heal and have a closure but also give Mae all the support she needs.

My relationship with Dennis is on HOLD due to his immaturity over my dog rolling on his carpet and he knew darn well that dogs are shedding due to SPRING!! SO he decided to act like a child and not speak to me, and dropped me off 9 days ago when I was going to spend the night and So far NOTHING from him. I am not going to play this game, SO I will not be the first to apologize when I already did in his truck when he dropped me off and he totally thinks I disrespected him, well for one he disrespected me when he didn’t even acknowledge my apology! SO I will just go one with my life and do what I feel is best for me! II totally hate being single but its good to be single because I actually don’t have to fight or argue with any one, I hardly ever have to yell at my boys at all as they have respect for me and we get a long so well, Yes Rocket is not perfect but he knows the choices he makes its his own consequences and he will always be honest with me!

Then once I get home I will be on the edge as on May 13th, my ex will be meeting with his Unit Parole Boards asking for an early release, as he has written to Mae and Me that he wants to “Take Care of Business in regards to Damian”. Mae and I have written and made copies of the letters of what he wrote to us and we hope that the Unit Parole Boards does not allow him to be released due to his mental mind, He is NOT SAFE to be around.

Mae and her family have worked hard with the DA in New Mexico make sure he is not involved at all. Due to our fears!

I pray that Damian will be sentenced more than 6 years that they want to give but we can request that the judge give him the maximum of 10 years. NO amount of time in prison for Damian will bring back JJ nor relieve the pain and suffering his mother and his large family have to ENDURE!!