Well, I’ve pretty much blown this work week from a productivity standpoint. I mean, I got a lot of urgent stuff done at the beginning of the week, but China has been on holiday for the last two days (Tomb Sweeping holiday, or Qingming - do you know about this? It’s the day that Chinese people honor their ancestors and sweep and decorate the tombs in the cemeteries). So while I was frantically getting things sent out to them, per Boss’s request, they have been out of the office.
I’ve settled down a lot today from the extreme whirlwind of boy thoughts from yesterday. I swear I felt like a horny teenager most of the day, thinking dirty thoughts about Paul and Bachelor Party Marty and living in a fantasy world.
It’s just that it’s been so long since I’ve felt this kind of excitement over the possibilities of romance. I’d forgotten how good that stuff feels. Yesterday was a welcome distraction. I can see how some people get addicted to that kind of attention.
Reality hit hard when I went to visit my mom post-surgery last night. She came out of surgery well and she’s doing great, but moving a little slowly. I brought dinner and the dog, and I think that cheered her up a lot. It was good to see her and my dad and really great to see her doing well. I also brought fried chicken and chocolates, and that was nice too.
Went home and went to bed. I was feeling like Paul might call because I thought I had it figured out that talking on the phone would be the way we communicate. Heh. Alas, no phone call which makes me think he’s not as into me as he let on. And the other thing is, I just met him a WEEK ago - and it was a happy accident, so what the hell am I doing with these expectations?
I’ve done a little thinking about this. I’ve done some of the Love Language reading in the past and I’ve taken the quiz that tells me that my love language is Quality Time, and it all makes better sense to me now. The Quality Time thing makes it not so easy for someone else because what I crave is undivided attention (no real surprise there, heh!) and that I need to know that I’m going to see the person I love. It’s a security thing - I need to know that this person is present with me.
I think my strategy needs a shift. I’m wondering what it might be like to be with someone who is a tad more into me than I am with him? Anybody have this? Anybody like this? I just imagine someone sitting there with me paying rapt attention! I want to know that I’m with someone who’s thinking about me during the day and touching base every now and then just letting me know that I’m on his mind. And when we get together, it feels like a happy reunion.
I feel like I had that with SexyPants and a couple of others, but perhaps it wasn’t really sincere. All I know is, with every relationship I’ve ever had where I was truly in LOVE, I’m pretty sure I was more into them than they were with me.
Sad, isn’t it?
But how to make that shift? I kind of did that with Bachelor Party Marty, but that’s not going anywhere - he’s waaaaaay too young for me and clearly all he wants is sex anyway. That’s not my kind of relationship (though I’ll take it for what it is).
I have a lot of thinking to do.
I got a reminder call of my spa appointment tomorrow and the fact that I requested a male masseuse. And then I started thinking, what if I get super turned on by having male hands all over my body? I’m think I’m going to just roll with it. Heh.
ANYWAY.
Friday’s here. I have no plans for this evening. Maybe take myself out to dinner? Maybe not.
For now, I better get back to work.
xox,
GS
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