Week 1 Day 1 in My weight loss and such journal

Starting: 292 Goal: 289
So hungry… Was supposed to have two meals at 6, but my roommate invited people over without asking, so now I’m stuck in my room, hungry, pissed off, and unwilling to deal with strangers. And my ex is out there, and I hate myself because I’m still madly in love with the fucking asshole. He left me because he wasn’t ready for a girlfriend (supposedly) and then find out few months later that he had a girlfriend after me. Which basically means to me that he lied, was ready for a girlfriend, just didn’t want me.
The stupid thing is? I STILL FUCKING WANT TO BE WITH HIM. I hate myself for it. And I have to fucking save face so I can keep friendship with him. I literally want to be romantic with him, but also to punch him for doing what he did to me. And I can’t do either because I feel like if I do, it will ruin the friendship that we have. And I fear that he won’t understand that when in a relationship, I want to spend all the time with them, but as friends, My alone time is precious to me. My roommate is his best friend, so I fear I will see a lot of him which I feel hinders my ability to move on. =_= That’s why I hate myself right now. I literally want a man who has proven he doesn’t want me. And it’s not an uncommon thing for people, but it doesn’t mean anything to me.
I also took a picture of myself in tight clothing to show how much I need to lose…. I look fucking disgusting. It could be the lack of calories and carbs in my system that’s making me feel this way, but I look gross, and I am gross. I legit feel like I will never accomplish anything, and would be better off getting a bunch of cats, and living on a cat rescue. At least then I’d have something to show of myself.
This all could be the lack of cal/carb going to my brain, and maybe in a week when I get used to it, I’ll feel better about myself/situation. Until then, all I can do is pray to god that his guests leave soon, and that this diet is worth it/I get used to it….
Maybe I’ll have bbq bites instead of the shake, just to tide me off till 8-9 when he leaves…
Parmesan bites taste like ass.
Helped with my hunger.
But still tastes like ass.