A Balloon about to burst in My Quest for a Quiet Soul

Dr Phil wrote this thing that I came across the other day about borderline disorder people; “A pattern of disorganized, insatiable relationships self-image and emotions. Anger, inclusiveness and frequent mood swings and possibly brief psychotic episodes. Often intelligent, and appear warm friendly and competent until their defense structure breaks down.” I want to be mad for The label inducing description, but the truth is that as hard as I try to fight The machine that is my mind....it isn’t that far from the truth.
The day before yesterday, I lashed out at my husband over burger king food. My 4 year old then proceeded to ask me why I was so mean. It wasn’t even his fault that the food was cold, I was just upset that he didn’t go back in and ask for new stuff. It spiraled into a whole thing about how he doesn’t stand up for us, and just accepts things for what they are. I even brought the serenity prayer into it because I’m in AA. I said that we accept things that we CAN’T change. That of course lead to how he’s accepting a job that doesn’t pay well..
We’re living paycheck to paycheck…and so on. This man is pretty amazing and he did not and does not deserve me and my antics. So to insinuate that he doesn’t care enough about me or us to do better is bs. ....one Small thing can quickly escalate.
I’m so tired of the roadblocks that this mental illness brings with it. Before it was the alcoholism, and self medication. Now that I’m clean, it’s fighting the urge to run to numbing comfort that the bottle brings. However, as bad as I am sober, I’m at least 100 fold drunk.
When all is said and done, I need to remember a few things that I know and that I’ve been told (and that BPD can’t take from me); I’m intelligent, I’m kind, I’m funny, I love like no other & I ask a genuinely good human being. I can’t let this bullshit defeat me. I can’t let HER take over.