Nothing will be good enough. in 2018

So I am spending a lot of my spare time cleaning this house and throwing away the trash and sending stuff to storage. You know cleaning up all the shit after my parents divorce. Shit I shouldn’t have to even remotely be involved in. I shouldn’t have to do this. But I have run out of patience and am getting it done. I am tired of waiting for any help. Which is funny, because mother constantly bitches saying, I will deal with it all myself. I will hire someone to take it all to the landfill. I can’t get any help with it. None of you will help me. Bitch....where the fuck you at? I don’t get any help. She doesn’t want help with getting it dealt with. She wants to cling to it and use it as an excuse to justify her shit behavior. She wants to keep it around and use it as something to hold over my head. And this is the kicker. I have dealt with the majority of it already. Just gotta take a lot of shit to storage....She comes home and says, “It’s hard watching your life be thrown away. Everything that makes me me is out in those garbage bags.” Umm yeah, not how that works. That is all garbage. I have gone through the shit, and none of it you have even remotely glanced at in 3 years. So if it is sooooo vital to your being....why have you completely ignored it? Material possessions don’t make a person. They don’t make you who you are. Your life isn’t being thrown away. Life isn’t that simply thrown away. So get the fuck out of here with that misguided hypernegative horse shit. It makes zero sense and is just you feeding your own pessimistic agenda. I get the not wanting to be alone and the pain and the heartache, but that is not justification for the continuation of this behavior. You don’t want to be alone, but any opportunity to change that you throw it away claiming to be incapable of ever trusting anyone ever again. Bitch, you can not condemn the whole for the actions of a few. You have to realize that oh I dont like this situation, so I will actively pursue ways to change it that don’t include hypernegative suicidal horse shit. You are a grown ass woman, and you are behaving like a child. It infuriates me that I am the one behaving like a parent. Do I have kids. No. And yet here I am spitting out dad phrases. “Am I understood.” “You’re going. Get up.” “Time to get up for [school] work.” The fuck.

At any rate, she comes home and oh it is so terrible that this thing she has bitched about is getting done. So one way or another she is just going to twist everything into some super negative bullshit. To which I don’t care anymore. I am getting it done and she can get the fuck over it.

Crazy how I am just a piece of shit when I am the one that has been here helping her and dealing with what needs dealt with and busting my ass and doing all i can to sort shit out while anything I do is just me being a shit and a terrible person…HAHAHAHA riiiight.

Bright side…I found my King necklace, which granted difficult memories attached but I feel better with it. Weird thing I am sure.

Oh and I took a few days off of work to do this shit…and they apparently are not doing well. I asked a couple of my coworkers to keep me posted on how it went that way. And they struggling. Which does me good to hear that my impact is felt. But annoys me that my team can’t step up to the plate.