The pain I feel is unreal in When the waves hit

I feel like this is a nightmare. My nephew is dead. How am i spouse to go on a bring a baby into this fucked up world when my world was just flipped upside down . New reporters are hitting me up non stop , I can’t stand looking at my brother , everything bad about him is flooding back to me and hard. He’s an ass hole . His “wife” is no where to be found appearently she has a new boyfriend . That fucking bitch . My mom is a mess , my dad looks like a lost puppy , my daughters heart is broken and I am a hot fucking mess . We have to plan a funeral now and my brother doesn’t haven have a dime . Things are really bad .
I found out it was another boy that shot and killed my nephew , with my brothers gun . He left it in the house loaded because him and his fucking wife were fighting that morning on his way to work and he didn’t grab it on his way out . They have been talking about divorce for months . I can’t wait for her to be out of our lives. She’s a Narcissis , greedy psycho path. She was so mean to my baby nephew. The only thing that matters to her are her spoiled rotten little girls and money . I would never under any circumstances leave my gun loaded out of my sight , I want to shake my brother and yell “it should of been you and not Eric!!!” My nephew Eric was the most loving loyal kid I’ve ever been blessed to meet.
I’m so angry that he was taken from me . I don’t know what to do with myself .