Well today was another failure. Yet again I woke up too early and was too tired and then I tried to read Heart of Darkness and it was ugh... Now I just don't know what to do. It's all a mess and I'm having the feeling that we are on a road to total failure. And it all sucks. I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow.
Today I read something that deeply affected me. So I was on patheos.com, looking for something interesting to ponder on. So I saw an article called Sermon on Snot-nosed Children, Insecurity and The Lap of God. It's about the meaning of the kingdom of heaven belongs to children thing. At first it just seemed like a regular article about Christ 'n stuff but then at the end she said how maybe in that story we are not the disciples called to be good but the unloved children. I now feel I have found some of the answers that I prayed God would give me.
There's something else that's on my mind lately even though it's a ridiculous idea. Not the idea itself but the probability of it actually coming to reality. Religious vocation. Like seriously leaving behind everything and drastically changing everything. I'm not sure whether this is not just another passing fancy or whether it's something I should really do but my mind wonders to that thought from time to time. However those thoughts always stop at very serious obstacles and daily realities. So I don't know, I guess we will see how this goes.
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