10/8/2012 Friday in 2012

Day 2 of 12 that I have spent here in the country and away from the civilized world. I spend my days in seclusion from society with just my thoughts. Okay, now I’m just making stuff up. I started reading Cosmopolis today by Don DeLillo. I read half of it. My thoughts about it are mixed and leaning heavily to the negative. There are some parts that I like but overall it’s just an incoherent mess of a plot and it’s the type of thing that I’ve gotten sick of in the last days. Parts are “good prose” or whatnot but it doesn’t seem enough. Anyway I can find the time to read but not to write. That takes strength and dedication that I just don’t have. Today they went to Rezekne despite the fact that yesterday Oma said nay to that idea. I stayed at home. Then it started to rain and it rained a lot today. I went outside and took a long walk as it was cold and raining. It made me sad. Not just the weather but the loneliness of it all and the realization how some things have changed, no, not changed. Change would imply that there was something in its place left. These things have just disappeared and left behind a gray nothing, a cold sadness where there once was life. When I got home it was even worse, then I got really depressed because the very room felt old. Soon they got home. After that they messed with the TV. Now they have like 4000 channels, many are coded, most are in a language that no one understands and the one they both wanted is not there. Opis went to sleep, the four of us played cards. Tonight they are sleeping in the tent again, despite the rain. It’s not raining now but I remember how other times they used the rain as an excuse to sleep inside. It is getting colder with each passing day. I wonder for how long they will continue to sleep outside? And how long will I sleep here? Last night I slept a lot better and didn’t wake up as much as before.