This is frustrating. in Give Me Mercy and a Minute now. I'm a bleed a little poison out.

So there is a whole lot of shit that I can write about. As per usual my life is hectic and stressful and that’s the norm. Not a fan.

So let’s start with work? So work. The team lead position opened up awhile ago, but the problem was that it wasn’t just market. I would have had to take over food avenue, which is a sinking ship. And I recognized that and knew that if you put that on my shoulders, that would eat most of the time fixing its issues instead of fixing the issues of my actual department. And I don’t want to put myself in a position that I know is not going to work. I want to fix problems and not be bitched at pre-existing issues that I wouldn’t get the support needed to fix. So, the higher ups, after knowing I didn’t want food ave, asked another market person. And she came to me first and asked me how I felt about her potentially taking it. I told her go for it, but expect all the reasons I didn’t want it. So she got the position. And I asked her to push for me to get a raise, so after 4th quarter I should be making roughly 2 more dollars an hour. And thinks that if I were in the military I would have been promoted long ago. She also claims that she would bail if I left this job. So, I know I am valued at least. Hopefully get the pay raise.
Besides the TL stuff, they hired several new hires to compensate with her move up to TL. She was one of my stronger workers, and they hired some useless kids over here now. Slow as hell, no work ethic, disappear for stretches of time, do whatever they can to avoid work, stand around and talk for far too long. They can’t move their hands and their mouths at the same time. They take far too long breaks. The list goes on and on. And one other good person and myself have to clean up after them. It drives us insane. The other good one wants out of market because he is getting tired of the shit too. Because instead of talking to the problem people, the higher ups bitch at us to do their dirty work. They want us to confront them about their issues, but we aren’t leads. We don’t have that authority. We can direct them towards things and make suggestions but we have no authority to tell them what to do. They don’t have to listen to us. They have no reason to listen to us. Without a TL acronym, they don’t need to. So they are still around driving us all insane, coupled with higher ups bitching us out when we are pulling our weight and then some to compensate for their uselessness.
Now they did hire a great girl. She was ready to work, fast, efficient, ready to learn. A saving grace of new hires. She quit about a week or so ago. I am not supposed to know this but, apparently sexually harassed. By a repeat offender. So she quit and the offender was written up....repeat offender. Why the hell do I lose a good worker, and the fuck that caused it by harassing her, and other people apparently, is still here. He should have gotten the boot period. Not counting as an attempt to keep the first good new hire for market they’ve given me. So, that has me pissed. Atnd getting tired of cleaning up everyone’s messes.

So family shit? Sure family shit now. So my sister has apparently been at odds with the jackass father. Because he apparently has a girlfriend who he is pushing down my sisters throat, or neglecting the grandkids for, and lying about and spending all his money on drinking with her instead of helping my sister do shit for the kids. Apparently, he has has accused her of stealing from him. A checkbook, a jar of quarters, etc. etc. And accused her of being on drugs and knocked on her door making her take a drug test. To which she apparently took and threw a bottle of water in his face and told him she had nothing left to say. Which if it is all accurate, good on her. But I do think she refuses to realize that he is a self absorbed jackass that will only help her for his own vanity. Now, understand that he makes a ridiculous amount of money more than my mother, myself, and my sister combined. Yet he can’t spare a couple hundred dollars to help my sister here and there, who has 3 kids. Their gas got cut off, I helped. My mother helped. He, claimed he only had like 300 dollars until pay day. Which we all know is bullshit. And fairly convenient of the number he chose. The only possible way he is using all his money is if he is being irresponsible and using it on bullshit. Unnecessary bullshit. Which he could sacrifice a bit for to help his daughter and 3 grandchildren. But of course he refuses. So she turns to my mother and me. Now the truck her husband uses for work broke down. Did I tell you that jackass father got that truck for them. Spent a couple hundred bucks on it and in exchange tried to get 10 percent of her husbands earnings, since he is starting his own business. Now not 10% until the truck is paid off, 10% indefinitely. FUCK YOU. Trying to take advantage and blackmail his family for profit. So the truck lasted a couple months at best. Nothing was put in writing, so I hope my sister doesn’t give him shit. Because fuck that. That is a shallow, dirty thing to do. Especially after providing a shit vehicle, and trying to get 10% indefinitely. No. So optimistically my sister is catching on to his shit. But her and my mother have been for the most part getting along and things have been going fairly well. Mostly. Mother still gets in to her hypernegative comparative bullshit, but I will get into that for a later segment. What bothers me currently about this getting along with my sister shit, is that the divorce money that she was telling me was going to go to me, so I can support myself and get away from this and go wherever I want. Now that my sister is around. It is almost completely being used for her. They have discussed buying a truck, which is a current plan. Buying a truck for her husband/her so he can work and she can take the kids places and get around with all of them instead of cramming into that fucked up unsafe truck. (Another thing you would imagine would be a concern for the grandfather, but no…as long as he saves a few cents to drink more) So now roughly 10,000 of it is going to getting her a truck. Not sure if the intention is for her to make monthly payments to us or not, but still to her. Then another 10,000 to be used for the kids christmas, and paying some bills. Which no big deal. I get it. Give the kids a good Christmas, and pay a few things. No problem. But that is not 10,000 worth. At any rate, so that is roughly half mostly going to my sister. Who has been shit wit h my mother for all the time. Who has done nothing to help us. And I am just sitting here watching my wishes go up in smoke, because lo and behold…like I have previously pointed out…They only care about my sister, and I am the after thought. So beyond that, my mother, after spending more time with my sister, has changed her claims that I would get money to get away and have some cushion to do so. Now she is saying she wants to put it all towards a house. Now I know I don’t have a claim to any of that money, but I do think I deserve something. That it shouldn’t all be going towards my sister who hasn’t paid her dues. My sister has so much shit fall into her lap. People cater to her, and she doesn’t earn it and that bothers me. Now, on top of that, her husbands grandfather ‘grandaddy’ is dying. Cancer, pacemaker complications so can’t do chemo. Blah blah blah, he is dying. Condolences, sympathies, you know the drill. Well, supposedly he has altered his will. Now this dude is loaded. Before he altered his will, ALL of his grandchildren were getting like..50,000 each…with conditions. Like 10,000 immediately, 20,000 at 18, and 30 at 21 or some shit like that. Now that he has altered his will, my sister claims that his attorney says, that they will be getting a sizable sum of money, and property worth a lot as well. Nothing specific, but grandaddy apparently told my sister that he is going to make sure they don’t have to worry for the rest of their lives....Like FUCK YOU. He owns farmland in a populated area, that if they zone it as commercial…is worth easily several million dollars. Now, I don’t know anythign for certain or any details about that, but grandaddy also says that my niece needs a horse before she is 5. She is 2? Maybe 3? So, for her to have a horse, and for them to not have to worry....that means, enough for a house, and land enough for a horse. So now, my mother and her are colluding about getting a house potentially, depending on all of that stuff. But my sister is scheduled to sign papers in January. Which we suspect is for Tax purposes. So, yet again....it falls in my sister’s lap. Now, keep in mind, that my input on this whole thing has been completely ignored. I have made it clear I want away from here. My patience is shot and I can’t deal with all this shit for too much longer. They have even mentioned using my credit to apply for a mortgage, and I am just like....Hi…I know things and have opinions and wants. It’d be great if my input was heard. But no, they ignore me. Because yet again, it is all about my sister. And that infuriates me. That being said. I wouldn’t mind mooching off my sister’s ridiculous inheritence. Especially if it got me a horse lol. But still....The fuck. So now I can expect to get nothing to help me with my desires because my sister and mother are back on good terms. For now. And I hate that. Not to mention, my mother tends to use a chunk of my coin, whenever I give her my card to make a deposit or what have you while I work. Never asks, but just does it. And last night she supposedly spent like 200 of my money covering my sisters ass how apparently got robbed at gamestop. -_- without asking me shit. That bothers me. So as previously stated my sister is the center of the universe and I am the after thought. I was hoping to be able to go back to school. Do some online schooling with that money. Nope. Sister needs something? Fuck anythign Kyle wants or needs.

So this leads to mother’s behavior. Half the time she is good, half the time she is ridiculous.

So the above was written before work one day, and I am just now getting back to having a chance to write. And I know what that probably makes you initially think. Oh things have been good. Mother has calmed down and started behaving more rationally. Like fucking hell. She is so god damned wishy washy. One minute it’s all good. Happy go lucky lets get this for the kids, lets do this or that. The next it’s, there’s no point. You do what you want. I dont care. I just want to die. For fucks sake, if you cling to the hypernegative shit youre never going to not feel miserable. I have been through this shit a million times and gone over this shit a million times, and I know depression isn’t something you just get over but it doesn’t mean the persistent repetitions don’t wear on your patience and your willingness to sugar coat shit. I have done this shit for 3 fucking years, and my sister goes on about how she just cant handle it. Bitch, you are dealing with it for not even a fucking month. Fuck you. Oh and, another thing regarding my mother. She is convinced that as soon as the money comes in, (a withdrawal of about 22k should be here Tuesday) that I am just bailing out and leaving her to be homeless. Like fuck you. Fuck her for thinking that of me. I told her countless times that I wouldn’t leave until she is able to provide for herself. I am not a fucking shit head like my father. I wouldn’t leave if it meant she would be forced into some shit ass situation. I have only iterated that if she went and bailed I would be gone. I would move away. But nooo. Pick and choose the snipits of what I do say to adhere to her fucking self fulfilling hypernegative prophecy instead of taking a second to look at things and be like hey i dont like this, and i dont like where I think things are headed. I am going to do something to change that. If you don’t like one thing you do something to change it.I have tried to get her to do this shit, and I know that I don’t like a lot of things, but I have continued for 3 years to try and get her to change things. I have changed things to accomodate her bullshit. So what’s the point now, if she refuses to even entertain the concept that maybe there is a possibility that holy fucking shit, things can work out.

Oh and did I mention that my sister, the lucky ass bitch, is inheriting land that is worth at least, 3 million. That’s what they have been offered, but it’s really worht at least 5 million. Like what the fuck. So that being said, we will see what that turns into, because if that is the case, my sister and mother can move in to a place together and she can help me get moved the fuck away. But at the same time, the person that she is inheriting the land from, wants my niece to have a horse before she is 5. I think she is like 3 now? If sister gets that crazy sum, and gets land enough for a horse, I could potentially get a horse as well. And that would be amazing. But I would also be stuck dealing with their shit. Dilemmas.

Alright what else. Have I talked about work yet? A little bit I am sure. But I did end up having a conversation with my ETL after having the store team lead have a “conversatoin” with me about the productivity. That annoyed me. I am not the problem. I am your saving grace of this department. For fucks sake, I called out sick the other day, and when I came back one of the backroom guys came to me and was like, you can’t call out. It fucked everything up. It messed up the backroom, the salesfloor, all of it. He refuses to believe that one person calling out can cause that much of a hiccup. And I am just standing there like....yeah....it can. Another guy came up to me today when I came in and was saying that he was happier knowing that I am at least here. FOr fucks sake, I am sitting in the break room right now waiting to clock in, and my team has already come to me asking for direction, while also claiming that the work load is impossible and that they wanna die and cry. Saying that it is such a tease that I am here, but not clocked in. Everytime I do clock in these people basically get a sigh of relief because of my contributions. Now you would imagine, that the higher ups would recognize the difference or the impact from me calling out one day. For example today, My only other trusted worker, is off and I am closing, so the majority of the work load is morning tasks. So that leaves the weakest units on the hardest part. So when I do clock in I am going to have to pick up the slack and compensate for their complete lack of work ethic. Oh and it is looking like I am losing another team member. She is opening a bar, and is trying to get the situation where she gets paid to do the renovation work, and leave here. So that is going to happen after 4th quarter regardless, but still. It looks like it may be happening sooner. So that leaves me even more short handed. And when I already have a team of people that aren’t pulling their weight that is even more of a hit. Turning in to me having to do the work of like 3+ people daily. If I don’t hear anything about a raise after Christmas, I may have to be like look, I am doing everything in my department. You need to compensate me and my good people better since we are carrying the weight and dealing with a well below par team. Compensate us of the stress of having a shit team, or provide us a better team. I have trained these people. I provide the knowledge the tools the tricks the know how, but I can not make them utilize the tools and knowledge I provide. You can’t force work ethic. And I told my ETL that, and she basically just said tell her. So I will be leaving lists on her desk of the shit I find, and we are going to reconvene next Friday. I am curious to see if it yields anything. I have a lot of doubt. She doesn’t like confrontation. So the chances of her actually dealing with these limp dick fuck ups on my team are slim to none. I need a team I can use. If this department is the NHL these kids are beer league at best. -_-

Let’s see what else. Oh did I tell you about my ex that messaged me when her husband overdosed and died? Now Ash…I know you disapprove, but you know me. I am the guy that will help if he can. So, hush it. lol <3 Any way, my ex cheated on me got preggo, and ended up marrying the dude. I warned her the last time we spoke to be careful and that he was not going to be good for her. Well, he overdosed and died. Drug problem, abusive, adulterous, all of these things are facts. They happened. She told me. Then she is depressed and shit blah blah blah but at the same time she is also sometimes positive about it that she is free from the negative shit. But she drinks constantly almost and I am trying to get her to lessen up on that. But I am casually trying to get her to a solid point. Inevitably she will disappear once she gets more stable. Which doesn’t bother me in the least. That is not sarcasm. I’ll help her get mentally/emotionally stable and then let her get on with her life. So that is a weird thing that’s happened recently.

I am not sure what else there is to write about. I am sure I missed some things. Oh I am a little worried about Jassmine. She’s not feeling the best lately, and I hate that I can’t just go there and make her feel better. So I am hoping to get her something nice this year, and take it up to her for Christmas. Any ideas throw them my way. XD

Alright. I guess that will do it for now. Sorry it has been so long. As you can tell the whole family situation makes it difficult to find words and write. Difficult to really grasp a way to express all this shit.

King out, baby.
Merry Christmas, happy holidays, merry merries. And all that nonsense.