Reluctant to get out of bed in Hanging on for dear Life

As my eyes crept open this morning all that popped in my head was me screaming NOOOOO!!!! And wanting to cover my head with my pillow and go back to sleep. I often feel this way. Well, I suppose “always” would be a more accurate description.
There are two things that get me out of bed these days. First is my loyal companion Diesel. He’s been my one and only motivation to keep going for the past 4 years. Second is work. Can’t take care of Diesel without an income right?
Some days I think I just lost my marbles. I think back to who I once was and it baffles me that we are one in the same. I was so motivated, hardworking, determined to build a life and a family. I thought I found that one person who wanted the same. At the age of 19, I was told everything I wanted and needed to hear by my so called love of my life. We wanted a home, marriage, kids and to live comfortably if possible. So I upped and moved. I packed up all my things, moved to a new town, with no money, no job and pure faith that everything will work out. Love conquers all right? Well at least that’s what I was brought up to falsely believe.
If I knew then how things actually turned out I would have never placed my heart and trust in their hands. They did not deserve one moment of my affection, my kindness, my drive to please or even one moment of my time. If I knew, I would have turned and walked the opposite direction. I wish every day that I walked away.