Woke up at 8-ish or maybe 8. So I slept some 8 hours. Had to check the program to see that Casino Royale went until 12. I thought it ended at 11 and I went to bed shortly after that. God that movie was awful. Well, not really, but there were too many things that make you want to raise an eyebrow or something. My biggest problem is that Bond seems like a total sociopath. I mean he violently kills someone and then feels nothing, no emotion whatsoever. I mean who does that.
Ate garlic-bread, cheese chips and potatoes and sandwiches. Mood: -2.5. Yet again felt really bad.
.........When will I ever learn that talking to her is like talking to a wall..... no that's correct - a wall has an opinion which it won't give up. Talking to her is like trying to form dough, no matter what you do it will always remain what it is, it's too dense to understand and you can never make it see the truth. It's like she's a fucking moron. In the past I though I could make her understand, that I could make her see but that proved to be a useless endeavour. I mean why the fuck does she have to be such a stupid whore who always thinks only about herself. The sense of uselessness is the worst. I mean what the fuck do I have to say or do to make her open her fucking eyes and see this situation for what it is. Why does she have to be so selfish. Worse part was when she said that she accepts me for who I am. Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!?! So what, she accepts that I'm miserable each and every day of my life, that I've waisted my entire life and now I'm just waiting for death to set us all free. Is that what she has accepted? Or is it that she really doesn't know anything because I've stopped trying to get her attention after she proved that she doesn't really care about me. That's how the saying goes - if he/she/they didn't care they would do nothing. Well nothing is precisely what she has done for the last 10 years. It's always me first and everyone be damned. Sometimes I'm sorry for the way I often treat her but then she reminds me why I do all the horrible things.
So out of boredom I started to read The Magician's Nephew by C.S. Lewis. Only read 17 pages but that's like 1/3 of the book so it's not that catastrophically bad. I don't know I just feel so completely empty these days that I can't do anything. Yesterday she said we might visit Oma in Easter. Now I'm afraid that might not be a very good idea. I hoped that it would go away but it seems that won't happen soon.
Loading comments...